Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber
by OverMaster
Summary: Alternate Universe. Played for grim laughs. What would have been Class 3-A in another world is adopted since a very young age by the least likely person ever. Mature content, you've been warned.
1. Chapter 1

_Here we go once more…_

_Mahou Sensei Negima_ and all related elements and characters are the property and creation of Ken Akamatsu, Batman and all related elements and characters belong to DC Comics, and the author of this set of short pieces has made no material profit from it, and never will do.

Any non-parodic, non-totally safe similarity between the characters and events of these ministories and anyone or anything ever actually seen in real life is a pure coincidence.

Now that we're over with that, let's go to the show.

Remember to review, Pretty Please!

**Who am I, How I came to be:**

Sometimes, Evangeline dreamed of a life before Joker-Papa.

It was not that much of a different life, in the sense it seemed to have been filled with as much blood and violence as her present was, so it rarely bothered her, except, for some odd reason, when they were fighting the Bat and his brat. Still, every once in a while, it felt simply wrong to be under the commands of a man, even one such as Papa, but that feeling always was fleeting, easily forgotten along with her memories of that tall man with the charming, roguish smile. The only thing she was barely aware of concerning that man was he had cursed her, and that was enough for her. Now the only kind of smile she had any use for was Papa's.

Her sisters all felt pretty much the same way to some degree or another, all thirty of them. To survive under Papa's watch, Harley-Mama had taught them, you had to learn to adapt. Each one had managed to cope in her own way. Even Chao; she still had those occasional spells about some mission she was supposed to remember, but it never lasted, and then she was the same again, happily running with the rest of the gang.

They were the Lost Girls, enjoying a seemingly endless explosive childhood, stolen away from gray, non descript, unremarkable lives to fly all over town, night after night. Naturally, they needed a Captain Hook.

Their opinions on Batman varied, from utter hate to banal contempt, from amused sadism to cold despise. But they all agreed Robin was cute.

Sometimes, Negi Springfield dreamed of the life he could have had under other circumstances. Sometimes, he stopped to ponder what would have his life been like if tragedy hadn't swayed him under Bruce Wayne's black wing. Would have he been any happier? Better balanced?

But then he swung after him into the cold Gotham night, and he remembered why did he do it. It was not because of the raw, teen thrill of chasing the Jokerettes around, or because of getting his revenge on a bleak world that had stolen his sister away, or because of the chances to enjoy (although he'd never admit it) Batgirl's flirty teasing after she was done with fighting the fifteenth Jokerette, her stalwart rival in the art of the sword. He did it because it was the right thing to do.

Life could have never been any other way, after all.

**The (Un) Willing Joke:**

"Commissione-eeeer..." the voice sweetly crooned into his right ear.

Gordon opened his eyes abruptly, waking up from his forced dreamless sleep.

Chained to a chair.

In a dark room.

Alone with a Jokerette standing right before him, leaning so close her lips almost touched his.

"Number Eight here, your date for tonite, Commish..." she breathily purred, making him to shiver. She was even younger than Barbara.

"The Joker... where is he..."

"God's in His Heaven, Dad's in his studio, everything's right with the world!" Number Eight sing-sang. "Relax, it's just the two of us all night long. Care for cookies? Sat-chan made them. And Daddy hasn't poisoned them. Yet. I think."

"What's his plan this time?"

"His plan?"

"He won't get any ransom from the Major. He hates me, and any chances he has to see me out of office..."

The girl smiled and playfully patted Gordon's head. "Silly Commish. Dad isn't a vulgar kidnapper! You should know that by now!"

"Am I supposed to be bait for Batman, then? He'll never fall for your—"

She laughed, in a rather unnerving fashion. "Wrong again, dear Commissione-eeeeer!"

"Then, why—"

She pouted, looking at her painted fingernails. "My sisters just don't understand my likings. They all are, Robin this, Robin that. Eugh. Me, I prefer older men. Especially the rugged, tough, manly yet noble and gentle type..."

Gordon took his head back, gripped by a horrible new feeling. "Wait. You don't mean..."

The Jokerette with the mismatched eyes winked at him, seductively baring a shoulder down. "Today's my birthday, you'll see..."

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no..."

"And Daddy's always been so generous with his widdle sad adopted Asuna-chan..."

"I'm warning you, I'm not going to—!"

"Then don't worry, " she giggled and tackled him. "I'll do all the job!"

As the first terrified screams began to come from the inside, Ayaka began to sip on her tea, sitting around a table with Madoka, Misa and Sakurako. "Asuna always has had such bad tastes..."

"Not so much," Madoka interjected. "She still rejected Bullock, didn't she?"

"What did they do with him, anyway?" Sakurako asked.

"Daddy handed him over to Chachazero..." Misa calmly replied.

As if on cue, an even more blood curling scream came from down the hall.

"'Zero scares even me," Ayaka's fingers nervously danced over her cup.

"Hell, she scares even Dad," Madoka said. "Exactly why do you think he retreated into his studio?"

**Double T(h)reat:**

"I oppose," the Clown Prince angrily snarled, crossing his arms behind his back. "I adamantly oppose!"

"Why?" Fumika lamented almost tearfully.

"Yeah, why?-!" Fuuka protested with more energy.

"I made no objections when you started falling for the Boy Blunder," Joker furiously began to count with his fingers. "I consented when Asuna wanted Gordon as her birthday gift. Heck, I even tolerated Mana dating Deadshot! But in no way will I ever allow you two to date HIM of all people!"

He seethed, pointing an accusing finger at the man sitting at the other end of the room.

Two-Face just sat there, unmoved, absently playing with his silver coin. "Since when do you have protective feelings for anyone?"

"It's a matter of principles!" Joker fumed.

"Since when you have principles, either?" Two-Face insisted.

"Since you started dating little girls!" the clown shouted at him. "You don't even like them for their personalities! You like them only because they happen to be twins! And to annoy me!"

"And because they're good at the sack," Dent unflappantly replied.

Joker's face managed to get even paler than usual. Somehow.

He tilted his now huge eyes towards the pink haired girls. "You didn't!"

They simply giggled together, Fuuka with total lack of concern, Fumika a bit more apologetically.

Joker rubbed his temples, then called out towards the eavesdropping girls hiding behind the door. "Yue! The Brain Bleach!"

Yue dutifully walked in with a large bottle, took a fairly big gulp of it, then poured a glass for her father figure. Then she walked back, still without saying anything, or without her expression changing at all.

Joker drank avidly, and then sighed loudly. "I oppose even more now."

"But Puddin'..." Harley tried to plead.

"But nothing! No way! Not as long as I draw breath!" He pointed a finger at Dent again. "Gilda still hasn't granted you the divorce, has she?"

"That's a minor issue!" Fuuka yelled.

"No, you are the **minor** issue!" the Joker pointed out. "So forget it! As long as you live in this lair, I won't be hearing any of that!"

Fumika started to bawl, while Fuuka's face just went red with anger. "You... You... BAKA OYAJI!"

Joker blinked. Then he calmly walked to Nodoka's favorite bookshelf. He pulled a thick Japanese-English dictionary and opened it up. He flipped through it, stopped at a certain page, fished his ridiculously oversized reading glasses from a pocket, and carefully read through the selected entry. Only then, he gasped.

"I'm a dumb old guy with no idea of how to look after my children?-! Missy, I've killed people for one tenth of that! And that's when I feel nice" he hissed into an unflinching Fuuka's face.

She only stuck her tongue out to him.

His shoulders immediately dropped down. "Harley! He's turned her against ME!"

"Puddin', maybe you should listen at him..." Harley weakly insisted.

"I'm willing to compensate you, yes," Two-Face said. "I'll even give you half of my turf near the docks."

"Do you think I can be bought off?" Joker was indignated.

"I'll toss twelve of my best henchmen in, too," Dent added.

"Not! Interested!" Joker growled.

"And four million dollars. Two per head."

"No. On both accounts."

"And valuable blackmail info on famed stand up comedian Milton Flanagann..."

Joker stopped, dumbstruck. "You got dirt on Milton?"

Two-Face nodded. "The kind that can ruin several lives several times over."

The clown's eyes sparkled, hesitating between the coveted prize and keeping his pride. As always, his personal set of 'values' lost against his whims.

He rasped and closed his eyes, huffing a bit. "You're lucky I'm such a considerate, kind and loving father..."

"Oh, Papa...!" Fumika hugged his left leg, burying her face into one of his flanks. "You're so good...!"

Sakurako looked over at Setsuna. "I told you, no one killed no one else. Now pay up."

"Do you think it's safe to tell him I'm going out with Metallo-kun now?" Chachamaru hopefully asked.

Hakase thought it over. "Better give it another week."

**All in the Family:**

"Ojou-sama... No..."

Some last frail vestiges of morality and samurai honor were still struggling in Setsuna's mind, making their presence felt even after years of twisted upbringing. Even as Konoka pushed her against the darkest corner of the broom closet, nibbling on her neck hungrily, her hands roaming all over the pale swordsgirl's body, eventually unclasping her bra and the restraining harness attached to it. Setsuna's wings unfolded all over the closet, almost making the bottles of Smile-X and the trick guns to topple down from their shelves.

"Please, Ojou-sama..." she weakly resisted, with a mortified, yet ecstatic choked voice. "W-We're sisters, after all..."

"Mmmm..." Konoka hotly purred dangerously close to her mouth. "Fuuka-chan and Fumika-chan are blood sisters, and yet they do it too..."

"Th-That's not the point..."

Konoka ignored her and began biting on her collarbone almost cruelly while pushing her own shirt down, eliciting desperate brief gasps from Setsuna. "Oh, oh, no, Ojou-sama, oh, that's not... Not..."

Then she froze in horror.

**He** had just stepped into the doorstep, with his sharp green eyes lazily half closed, in Tom & Jerry old pajamas still bearing old blood stains. He had a toothbrush in his mouth, and a half empty glass of water in a hand.

"F-F-Father!" Setsuna attempted to scramble away. "It's-It's not what it looks like! I mean, it's all my fault! Punish me as you see fit, but please spare Ojou-sama!"

The white faced man snorted. "Konoka. Stop doing that. Right now."

She reluctantly obeyed, with a long depressed moan. Setsuna instinctively cradled her in a protective hug against herself as Father grumbled and looked into the closet's mess, rummaging for what no doubt would be a horrible weapon to inflict death or permanent injuries into them...

"Ah," he blandly said. "Here it is..."

Much to Setsuna's panic, he pulled out... a video camera.

Still sleepily, he set it up before the embracing half naked girls, turned the recording on, and calmly looked over to Konoka. "I trust the bees and birds crapola to you, okay?"

"Okay!" the pretty princess smiled brightly. He smirked just a little before walking away, stopping only to give her a fond soft pat in the butt.

"That's my girl."

Setsuna's face twitched, as her eyes wandered over to the working camera, then back to Konoka, shuddering at the sudden wide grin now on her cute face.

It was one of Father's grins.

"Now where we were, Setchan...?"

Setsuna decided just to stop fighting.

**For a Good Cause:**

"Your old man would get angry as hell if he knew we're doing this," Selina Kyle dryly warned as she easily jumped over the old, dilapidated fence. Chachamaru flew over it instead, softly landing on her feet a few steps away from the black leather clad cat burglar.

"I know."

Catwoman humphed, walking further ahead and into the old, dusty abandoned building. The robot girl silently walked behind her, her humble and measured steps contrasting with Kyle's naturally sensual and voluptuous marching.

"I don't know how you can stand him," the human bitterly commented.

"We're family," was all Chachamaru said.

"Family," Selina rolled her eyes at the nearly alien concept. "I have all the family I need right here."

The gynoid paused, remaining still and silent for a few seconds before timidly asking, "Including me...?"

"Don't push your luck, kid."

"Sorry."

Selina sighed, pulling her mask off and crouching down. "For what it counts... I consider you a friend."

"Thanks."

They both started to pull the cans of fish and cat food out as the kittens started coming out of everywhere, purring and rubbing against them. Chachamaru smiled, the kind of smile she never showed to anyone else.

Sometimes, just sometimes, it was good to have a home away from home.

Back at the old fair...

Makie took her eyes away from the TV showing 'Ultraviolent Manic Adventures of Murder Mouse and Victim Cat' just for a moment, to glance over at the wall clock. "Ahhhh... I wonder if Chachamaru and Selina-san are still petting their pussies..."

Yuuna chuckled from where she laid toying around with a handgun. "It's so cute, how she thinks we have no clue... Right, Dad?"

The Joker grumbled, burying his long pointy nose further into his newspaper. "Shaddap. Can't you see I'm checking the obituaries?"

**An Evening with Auntie:**

It was a dark and stormy night. Just as usual.

"Auntie...!" she whined, her small fists pounding on the heavy door. She sobbed, doubling down, falling on her knees into the muddy ground. "Auntie, I know you can hear me... You have green ears everywhere..."

The pink haired girl sniffled erratically, her clown makeup running down her face, washed away by the heavy rain. "Auntie Ivy... Please..."

Finally, there was a sound coming from inside the old greenhouse. The girl perked up with renewed hope, smiling as huge and misshapen vines pushed the door open, then retreated back allowing the barefooted, green skinned voluptuous redhead wearing nothing but a skimpy nightie to step out to meet the teenager.

"What do you want, Makie?"

"Auntie!" she tackled her midsection in a strong hug. "I'm so glad to see you! I had nowhere else to go! The Bat came, an' he took Mom and Dad back to the loony bin, an' the girls are at the correctional, an' I was lucky to escape, an'... an'...!"

"Let me go!" Poison Ivy angrily pushed her back. "Wait, all you sisters were caught? Even Evangeline?"

"Eva-chan? Oh no, you know Eva-chan. She's never caught. Never. But-But she flew away with Chachamaru, an' I don't even know where is she now... I tried looking into all the old hideouts, but the cops are everywhere, and Uncle Ozzie kicked me outta his club, and I'm so scared, I didn't know what to do... I know you don't like having company, but...!"

Ivy sighed again, turning around and leading the soaked girl inside. "Alright. Come in before you attract every cop and vigilante at town here. We'll think of something tomorrow."

"Thanks, Auntie!" Makie breathed out very deeply as she followed, the vines closing the door behind them. They marched down a long corridor covered by all sorts of exotic plants to the point it was pretty much an indoors tropical rainforest.

Suddenly, Makie stopped next to three gigantic dormant Venus flytraps. There was a soft gurgling sound coming from inside them. "Auntie?"

"Yes?"

"Are these man-eating plants?"

Pamela Isley stopped abruptly. "What?"

"Mom told me you had several of these..." Makie made a fascinated childlike face as she put an ear over a bulbous stalk, hearing the soft, mushy sounds of digestion coming from its inside. "Ohhh, it's eating, isn't it? It sounds like a pregnant woman..."

"Like a what?" Ivy asked.

Makie giggled apologetically. "Sorry, I should've been clearer. When I wanted to know from where do babies come, Dad kidnapped a pregnant woman for me. He made me listen to the baby, and it made cute sounds like these. Then he brought a knife..."

The following few sentences managed to rattle even a woman who routinely fed random victims to murderous plants.

"... and that's why Ayaka said she'll never have children, " Makie finished.

"I... I see..." Isley bit her lower lip, then began to flip through an old notebook.

"Auntie, what are you doing?" she innocently asked.

"I'm looking for phone numbers of people who owes me favors. I'm going to arrange a jail break for your Mom and Dad."

Makie's eyes shone with unending happiness. "Oh, Auntie! Thank you so much!"

"It's nothing. Really," she said as she ran for the phone.

The sooner that kid was back at her home, the better.


	2. Chapter 2

**Mahou Sensei Negima **and all related characters belong to Akamatsu Ken.

**Batman** and all related characters belong to DC Comics.

I make no money out of this.

'Nuff said.

**THIRTY ONE CLOWN PRINCESSES IN AMBER- PART II.**

**Helpers**

The ermine yawned and stretched, then lazily rolled on his back, exposing his stomach to the warm sun. "This house's a real bore, Alf."

The old man calmly chopping the garden's bushes hummed. "I deeply regret hearing that, Master Albert," he said, not really sounding regretful at all.

"The nearest house is like five blocks away, and there's not a single pretty young lady living there..." Chamo groaned, rolling around uneasily.

"I'm sure the nearby forests offer plenty of young attractive female ermines to court, Sir, " the butler vaguely pointed at the hills all around Wayne Manor.

Chamo made a sour face. "Uh, thanks for the tip, Alf, but... not really my thing. Sorry."

Alfred finally put the garden scissors down. "Then what, may I ask, would make you feel better about it?"

Chamo looked all around. "Is the Big Bro still asleep?"

"Master Bruce shouldn't wake up until dusk. Why?"

A devilish smirk. "Bring on the limo. I'll show you how to have a fun time at town..."

Two weeks later, the World's Greatest Detective had started to notice the ermine was becoming a bad influence on his loyal father figure. Even if Alfred still would deny knowledge on the whys of female lingerie suddenly appearing at the most unexpected spots of the manor.

**Super**

"Bruce, we need to talk."

Clark's voice was soft, yet imperative as he led the Dark Knight away from the boy while gesturing for the child to wait next to the Batmobile.

"Bruce, you have gone too far. I have turned a blind eye to your violent vigilantism so far because I thought you understand Gotham better than me, but this... this just proves I was wrong."

"Robin is perfectly up to the task, Clark," the tense, dry answer came even before Kal had expected it.

"He is ten years old, Bruce."

"Nine and a half."

"Don't joke on it! It's simply... morally repulsive. Just because the Joker drags children into danger, it doesn't mean you can—"

"You saw him defeating the Magpie, without even breaking a sweat."

"Yes, but he still saw something he definitely shouldn't have seen."

"It happens to him all the time. Even off duty."

Kal blinked. "Do you mean it wasn't a real attack? He really sneezes like that all the time?"

Batman simply nodded.

Superman rubbed his temples. "Well, I guess that explains why the Penguin has refused to give info on the last time you arrested him."

"Naturally. Losing face like that before all his gang is something he'll hopefully never live up to."

There was a pause.

"He really admires you, you know."

The Man of Tomorrow crossed his arms. "Don't tell me."

"Yes. He's an idealist, after all. Maybe you should sit and talk one of these days."

A month later, Kent was smiling as he introduced the small shy looking boy to his colleagues. "So, as part of his, um, prize for winning that contest, Negi here will be staying with me for a month, and hopefully learn a thing or two about the reporting job. I promise he won't be a bother."

Lois chuckled and playfully tickled Negi's nose with her pen. "Well... he still looks more mature than you, Smallvi—"

"Lois, you shouldn't!" Clark warned.

"ATCHOOOOOO!"

It was too late, even for someone who was faster than a speeding bullet.

**Family Men**

Lex Luthor had always hated the clown's visits. The clown girl posse only made them worse.

"Why are you here, Joker?"

He shook a bony hand around, spindly fingers gloved up in purple twirling around as if tickling the air. "Just a brief stop to congratulate you on finally having your own little angel, Lexie. A shame about the mother, though. Then again, it's not like Lil' Lena will ever need any family but her dear Ol' Dad, will she?"

"No. No, she won't," the Master of Metropolis crossed his arms behind his back, his annoyance growing by the second.

"It's weird, how such a healthy woman could catch a sudden illness and die so quickly while under the care of the best medic team Lexcorp could buy, huh?" Yuuna insolently asked from the office chair she was on, twisting a gun around in each hand playfully.

"Yeah, " Akira nodded, standing before Lex's large fish tank, watching the sea life swimming inside with fascination. "Someone with an ill mind could think it wasn't accidental."

"It'd take a very, very ill mind, however," Yue absently flipped through a book she had just taken from a nearby shelf. "I mean, it's not like Mr. Luthor would ever do something as terrible as to order his own lovely trophy wife murdered just so he wouldn't have to compete with her over his daughter's future affections..."

"Leave that where it was. It's a priceless original. Only six like it exist at the whole world, " Luthor icily informed.

"I'd never damage a book," Yue very seriously stated before putting the book back where it had been.

"They are so well disciplined," Joker cooed, reaching over with a hand to softly tap on Luthor's bald head, taking the hand back as soon as their eyes met. "Oh, sorry. I forgot it was a sensible area! Anyway, as you can see, and without any fake humility, I've raised these girls to be perfect cherubims, won't you agree?"

Lex's eyes morosely wandered to Kazumi and Haruna, kissing at a corner. "You have?"

"Isn't that every father's dream?" the clown asked. "That's why I came to ask if you needed any advice on how to handle your own little heiress. You know, my tips are cheap. And besides—"

"You need money again?" Luthor cut through all the bull.

"Well, raising thirty one of these cute trolls takes a lot out of a man, you know!"

"Again with the 'thirty one' thing?" Asuna murmured from where she sat over a large pile of grinning unmoving security guards. Behind her, Sayo softly giggled and stuck two fingers up behind her head.

"Sayo...!" Joker looked at her.

"Sorry, Dad."

Asuna rolled her eyes. "Out of all of us, his favorite had to be the imaginary one..."

**Titans**

Cyborg thought Robin was a pretty cool little guy, even if too naive.

Superboy was just envious of his luck with women. How could the little bird be so bloody oblivious to it? It drove him nuts.

Speedy always had nothing but little patience for him.

Kid Flash thought of him as the little brother he never had, even if he was usually the one acting like the little brother himself.

Beast Boy was pretty much the only one soul who almost always saw things eye to eye with Chamo.

Raven would never admit she had a soft spot for him, but everyone noticed how defensive she was of him whenever Evangeline was around. Not like they needed any excuse to be at each other's throats anyway.

Starfire, on the other hand, never wasted a chance to be all over him, even if it usually only served to embarass and scare him out of any comfort.

But out of all of them, no one was ever as affected by him as Terra.

Deathstroke could vouch for it as soon as he was able to speak again.

**Bad Future**

For decades now, the Batman had kept on a title amongst the superhuman community. The World's Most Dangerous Man. They all knew it, no matter how many powers you had, he would find a way to bring you down, and bring you down hard. He'd exploit your smallest weaknesses, no matter how well hidden you had them, and exploit them to their fullest. No questions about it. That was why they all had learned to fear the man without any superpowers.

All of them, but that other man without superpowers.

Batman had always viewed him as an equal of sorts, even if most others really didn't. They all feared him to some degree as well, but it was not the same thing. Only he truly understood what was he able of.

He nursed his broken left arm against his tired, spent body, as the hated nemesis stood panting and coughing blood up, with bloodshot wild eyes, over the finally unmoving form of the Anti Monitor Mage of the Beginning.

"Never..." he wheezed, clenching his yellowed teeth and snarling towards his old enemy, "Never hurt a little girl before her father. Much less thirty one of them..."

It might have sounded like a bad joke, but truly, all pretenses of comedy were gone. Only the seething rage of the animal below stood up, naked and raw.

"Hnh, " the only other living being left at the whole planet said, ignoring the pain as he crouched down to pick the hopefully still functional Cassiopeia from Chao's broken hands. "How do you get this working, anyway? I never could figure it out..."

Joker snatched it away. "Please, 'World's Greatest Detective'. Even a child could figure it out. Wait a second and we'll have this whole jam fixed. After all, it wouldn't do to have anyone but me destroying all of reality."

Batman patiently waited as the clown tampered with the watch. "... Need help?"

"I can do this!" he claimed before a spring bounced out of it and hit him in an eye. "Ouch. On second thought, better grab two chairs from the wreckage and bring them over here. This could take us a while..."


	3. Chapter 3

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics, Negima and all related characters and elements belong to Akamatsu Ken.

I make no money at all out of this story.

Enjoy and Review.

**Chapter 330**

Batman and the Joker stared on as the combined forces of Cosmo Entelecheia appeared before them. As Secundum grinned pressing his foot down on Robin's body, and the Jokerettes stood in the aim of Sextum, Quartum and Quintum, there was a deadly silence all over the wrecked ruins...

And then both nemeses smirked.

The Lifemaker lifted an eyebrow under the hood. "What makes you so sure you can win now?"

A Boom Tube opened itself behind Batman. Out of it, Superman, the Flash, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Plastic Man, Aquaman, Captain Marvel, Vixen, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, the Question, the Elongated Man, Zatanna, the Atom, Steel and Orion poured into the battlefield.

Another Boom Tube opened itself behind the Joker. Out of it, Lex Luthor, the Parasite, Professor Zoom, Captain Cold, Sinestro, Livewire, Black Adam, Gorilla Grodd, the Toyman, Giganta, Solomon Grundy, Vandal Savage, Circe, Cheetah, Klarion, Merlyn, the Shadow Thief, Poison Ivy, Clayface, the Shade and Ocean Master poured into the battlefield.

"You know, as much as we may hate each other, well... our children are our children, " the Dark Knight snorted.

"And you know, none of our allies is too pleased with your plan either, " Joker sheepishly scratched his chin. "Heroes have that pesky free will for everyone code, and we... well, most of us would prefer exploit a world like this the old style, ya know?"

Secundum blinked, then quickly pulled his foot back.

Dynamis looked up at the Lifemaker. "I want a salary raise."

"You don't have a—"

"I want one now!"

**Wacky Uncle Eddie**

He rubbed the bridge of his nose up and down, fighting the headache bubbling in his skull. "I knew it was a bad idea to hire you after your Dad was sent to the funny farm."

Makie pouted sadly. "But uncle Eddie! I did a really good thing when taking those riddles away before the Bat and Robin-kun could see them! Don't you see? That way, they couldn't learn where we were going to steal tonight, and that's why they didn't catch us! See? I saved the day for you!"

And she smiled, very brightly and very proud of herself.

The Riddler desperately battled the urge to whack her across the head with his cane. "You... saved... me... from _them_?"

Makie blinked. "You're a better Gorshin than Shatner, Uncle Eddie."

"What?-!"

"Or a Carrey, at least..."

Riddler tugged on his already sparse hair. "You nitwit! Moron! Foolish airhead! I need the riddles to work! By taking them away, you take all the motivation, all the challenge, away!"

"... But Batman and Robin-kun don't catch us," she candidly said.

"That's the risk that gives it all its sense! Without it, there's no reason for me to go on!" Riddler yelled. "What could you know about it? You're just a stupid child! What do you know about the things that drive me?"

"... Daddy says you send the riddles because you like dropping the soap at jail," she offered innocently. "Never understood what does it have to do with anything, but since I'm here, I thought I might ask..."

"What? What? What? Very well! Enough of this!" He turned to his henchmen. "Boys! Show her the door! And fill her with lead if she ever comes back!"

The largest thug stepped ahead. "Actually, Boss... We're with her in this."

Riddler's face became almost as stark white as Joker himself's. "What are you trying to say...?"

"We're sick of the riddle crap," one of them admitted.

"Yeah, it kinda gets our butts kicked all the time, ya know?"

"Nothing personal against ya, but..."

"Ya know we appreciate ya an' everything, but, even so..."

"In other words, we wanna make Makie here da leader o' da gang!"

Riddler's face twitched madly. "M-Muh-Mutiny!"

Makie poked a finger on her own chest. "... Me?-!"

And then she smiled very slowly. A grin worthy of her adoptive father. "Why, I'm honored!"

It took Batman seven hard, long and painful months to stop the Riddler gang's successes after that.

**Lighter and Softer**

Billy Joe Iron Knuckles felt the coppery taste of blood flowing down his mouth and over his forehead as he hung upside down, arms and legs chained.

The clown standing before him panted, adjusting his brass knuckles again (he always had loved his irony) and then hissing into the leg-breaker's face, "So, I had heard you were saying fatherhood had made me soft, Billy Joey. Whaddya think now? Thinking I hit soft now?"

"I... I never said anything like that, Joker...! For real! Whoever told you that shit?"

"Please, Billy Joey! Everyone at the Stacked Deck Club was listening that night! Jimmy Montero! Legs O'Reilly! The Firefly!"

"Montero's got it for me, O'Reilly will say anything for money, and Firefly's crazy!"

A deep, demonic glare. "You got SOMETHING against being CRAZY...?"

"N-N-No! Of course not! But—!"

Fuuka peeked her head in. "Daddy, Makie-chan ate all the ice cream!"

He snorted. "Tell Satsuki to make you more!"

"She's still at the correctional, remember?"

"Then just go and steal some, for Harpo's love! You're already a big girl!"

"Can I take the machine gun?"

"Take the grenade launcher if you want, but leave us alone! Daddy's talking business with this gentleman!" He shooed her.

Then he grinned at his captive again. "Now, where were we left...?"

Ayaka broke in with an indignant cry.

"Father! Asuna's desecrating my Robin-sama stalker shrine!"

"Am not!" Asuna's voice shouted down the hall. "I just needed something for the hyenas to poop at! Your poster happened to be the closest thing at hand!"

Joker sighed. "Turnaround's fair play. Just go and rip her Gordon posters apart, Ayaka."

Asuna bursted in immediately. "You can't tell her that!"

"I can so much, I just did it!" he pushed them out. "Now leave! And don't come back here without knocking!"

He exhaled loudly, running a hand over his forehead, massaging it in circles. "Got an aspirin, Billy Joey?"

"My left pocket," the man said.

"Thanks, " Joker pulled the aspirin out, got himself a glass of water, drank it down, then splashed the remaining water on his prey's face. "Now, as I was saying..."

"Daaaaa-ddyyyyyy..." Yuuna slipped a bare leg seductively, "Wanna have some quality time...? Your Yuuna-chan's feeling bored, and shooting pigeons isn't helping..."

He cringed his teeth. "Yuuna, for the last time, there are some lines even I won't cross..."

She peeked her head and shoulders in, the thin black robe slipping a bit down her milky left shoulder. "I'll be wearing Mommy's makeup..."

Joker blinked a few times, then patted the man's head. "Would you mind living for, say, two hours more, Billy Joey? I've got... some family bonding to do."

"Actually, I think I'd prefer you to shoot me right now. I don't want to live with these images in my head any longer."

**Balance**

Discipline was always thrice as hard on Tsukuyomi than on the rest of the disciples.

She was, after all, not only the runt of the litter, but also a bastard child. A shame to her clan. The teachers and her classmates did everything they could to break her down. All but Setsuna-sempai.

Beautiful, noble Setsuna-sempai. When everyone chewed on Tsukuyomi and imposed the harshest duties upon her, she was the only one around to support and encourage her. It was only due to her that Tsukuyomi had beaten all the odds, and graduated as the second in the class.

Still, the toll had already been taken. Those who only knew her surface said Tsukuyomi had become a fair lady, polite and honorable, a perfect Japanese warrior. Those who looked past it knew better.

She had swore to make Sempai proud next time they met. To that end, she devoted herself as a bodyguard for the most notable and respected members of society. And yet, her dreams of justice and nobility started to crack when she saw the true faces of those honorable notables, their vices and corruption. Still, she endured in the name of her own ideals, and Sempai.

The news of Mahora being struck by demons and all of Sempai's class disappearing with no trace broke her for a long while, but she eventually recovered, twice as stubborn on her path, to honor Sempai's memory. A few years later, when watching TV, however, she saw her adorable angel flying high above a dark twisted city, and she left everything behind for Gotham.

She crossed paths with Sempai before long. She was paler than ever before, but still gorgeous, perfect and radiant, majestic and strong despite her apparent frailness.

Tsukuyomi ran to embrace her. After a moment of hesitation, Setsuna tried to run her through.

After barely surviving the encounter, Tsukuyomi wiped the tears off and swore freeing her. She knew there was no remedy for her, but she still always could grant her release. And punish the man who had taken her away from her in the proccess.

Rumors said he had only adopted the girls on a whim, casually passing by on a crime spree when the demons chose to strike. They even said he had saved them. Tsukuyomi didn't care. All she could see what her precious angel becoming a fallen devil. She would redeem her in death. But she needed to do it in the proper fashion.

Everyone knew, in Gotham, to fight the underworld, you had to fall under the wing of the Bat, one way or another. Tsukuyomi made the costume herself. She started picking on the small fry. Killer Moth. Calendar Man. The Ventriloquist. Her code of honor still included the Thou Shall Not Kill (her Sempai and her victimary were special cases), but she still became a horror upon them, beating them to brutal lenghts the original Bat would never reach.

That, of course, made her another prey for him.

But after casually beating the old bat literally black and blue, she had managed to get an 'I'll keep an eye on you' out of him. That, of course, was a bad loser way to admit he couldn't bring her down, but Tsukuyomi didn't really care.

She kinda liked his errand boy, however. He was cute and naive, a nearly painful but still joyful reminder of what she once was. He insisted the Jokerettes could be redeemed in some way, and Batgirl eventually desisted on trying to convince him otherwise. He almost was starting to make her reconsider her stance on boys.

Then there was Sempai.

Every time they fought now, Sempai seemed to hold just short of trying to kill her, which annoyed Tsukuyomi to no end. Was she just toying with her heart, trying to prove her theory wrong, to make her betray her ideals?

_Sorry, Sempai._

_I still love you._

_But I'll always love my path even more._

**Thirty One Decadent Clown Princesses, Habitually in Amber **

The clown and the queen stared daggers at each other.

"Fiend."

"Slut."

"At least I don't take my children on murderous sprees."

"At least I don't push them to breed with each other."

"Only because you'd get no profit from it."

"Actually, it's because it wouldn't be funny... But that isn't the point! And at least I'm always there for my children when they need me! Through the Ebola plague! Through the Gotham earthquake! Through that whole No Man's Land fiasco! While you left yours years all alone!"

"I was kept a prisoner all that time!"

"That's no excuse! I break out from Arkham once a week just to be with my kids! And battle the Bat, but let's not get into that."

"I go ahead despite losing the love of my life!"

"So did I! I think. And if you're going with Freudian excuses, then my father beat me all through my childhood! Or at least, that's how I remember it most of the time."

"My father took me against my will when I was twelve years old and gave me my first child then."

Joker couldn't help but grimacing. "Oh. Gross! Well, that takes me to my next point. At least I'm not taking my frustrations out on sleeping with my own children! Despite their technically not being mine to begin with!"

The blonde lifted an eyebrow. "What about what your Yuuna told our Yuuna?"

He waved a gloved hand. "Well, you know Yuuna. She's... like that... Anyway, she's the exception to the rule!"

She nodded evenly. "It's always Yuuna-chan, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Still doesn't change the fact you're a depraved monster."

"Depraved has-been whore."

"Shameless sadist."

"Holier-than-thou hypocrite."

"Immoral..."

"Indecent..."

They didn't blink, sneering deeper and deeper at each other before just jumping into each other's arms.

_One week later..._

Decadent Asuna scowled. "You mean it's really official? Konoka and me are going to be sharing a room with these freaks?"

Jokerette Asuna pointed at Jokerette Konoka and Decadent Konoka, who were too busy necking wildly. "... They seem to like the idea."

Decadent Asuna tugged on her own hair. "Konoka! Stop doing that! It's disturbing!"

Jokerette Asuna waved a hand. "Come on, come on, it's still better than what she does with her old man, isn't it? Consider it a form of self pleasuring. Besides, you're safe with me. I don't go for girls. My love is only for..." she sighed dreamily, looking at the huge portrait hanging over her stalker shrine, "... Commissioner Gordon-samaaaaaa!"

Decadent Asuna looked at the pictures with some interest. "Say, he ain't half bad... What other things do you guys do around here?"

_Two weeks later..._

_The Batcave:_

"But Bruce... Arika-sama said she'd keep the Joker's gang under check from now on..."

"I don't care, Robin. Gotham has just gotten too dangerous for you. You're going to live at Bludhaven with Dick, and that's it."

**It Followed me Home. Can I Keep it?**

_Makie_.

"... He followed me home. Can I keep him, please?" Makie held the adorable looking, pink eyed creature up. "He told me his name was Kyubey, and he could make me a Magical Girl!"

The Joker looked up and down at the animal. "Haven't I told you I don't want you to ever bring anything that is more evil than me here?"

"Ehhhhh!" Makie cried. "Kyubey-kun isn't evil!"

"Nothing that looks that cute can NOT be evil, " her father insisted. "Out with it."

"But... But he needs a home!" she sobbed.

The clown sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I just got an idea. Bring me a carton box..."

Two hours later, there were some knocks at the Gordon household's residence. Young Barbara walked out to attend.

In another world, she might have been greeted by a shooting Joker shattering her spine.

In this world, she wasn't so lucky.

"Ohh! Dad, look! Someone left the cutest animal ever here, in a carton box!"

_Yue._

"He followed me all the way from the bookstore heist. He's well-read, potty trained, and loves Descartes. Can I keep him, please?" Yue petted the fur of the towering gorilla at her side.

Joker growled. "Grodd."

The massive ape shrugged. "What can I say? We simply happened to click..."

"No way you're staying here! Do I ever go to your hideout to lure Batman there? With you here, this place will be swarming with Flashes at any moment now!"

"But, Dad..." Yue protested.

"No, no, no! I already told you when you brought the Ultra-Humanite! No super intelligent snotty gorillas! And that's final!"

Right then, Nodoka walked in bringing another huge gorilla, this one carrying a brain in a jar by a hand.

"Hmmmm, Father?" she asked shyly. "I have something I'd like to ask you..."

_Chachamaru._

"—And so, I would like to ask for permission to keep him, " Chachamaru held the bright eyed ermine up.

Joker's lower lip pouted up. "Isn't that the Bat-Ermine?"

"Negative. Bat-Ermine, after all, wears a mask, " Chachamaru explained.

"Yeah, I'm not the Bat-Ermine at all, no sir!" Chamo said, nervously.

Joker narrowed his eyes. "You know, you almost had me convinced for a second..."

"Crap, " Chamo gasped.

_Yue again._

"She followed me home. Can I keep her?"

Joker gave the dark skinned beast girl a confused stare, then looked at his adoptive daughter. "You know, Yue, if you want a girlfriend, you just tell me so!"

"Her... Her girlfriend?-! Me?-!" Emily protested. "It's... IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! Not like I like her or anything... I just want to spend the rest of my life with her out of pity..."

Joker sighed. "I *am* getting soft in my old age. You can stay. Just remember, don't ever touch the videocameras at the ceiling. That's the way you girls pay rent here."

Emily made a disgusted face, but nodded all the same.

**Befriendings**

"You know I hate my brilliant ideas getting copied, " Joker tersely said, playing with the knife in his right hand.

Luthor shrugged. "You never had exclusive rights over the action of adopting young girls who lost their families in... unfortunate accidents."

Joker began to fume up. "Oh, always an angel of mercy, aren'tcha? Copycat!"

"At least I do believe in quality over quantity!"

"Hah! My girls can wipe the floor with your insipid jailbait brigade!"

"Don't make me laugh! My daughters have interdimensional military training!"

"Is that a glove you're tossing at me, Lexy?"

"Straight on your face, clown!"

Sitting further back comparing books, Nodoka and Hayate sighed at once.

"I apologize. Father is a good man, but sometimes... he allows his pride to get the best of him, " Hayate declared.

"I fully understand, " Nodoka sympathized.

"So, he never takes you on any killing sprees? What a dull man, " Eva snorted, resting her chin on a hand.

"Well, sometimes he outfits us with some sort of new added weaponry and pits us against Superman, " Fate held Bardiche up, showing it up for Evangeline's half-interested eyes. The poor thing seemed almost embarrassed about all its new add-ons, that made it look rather ridiculous. "We almost had him beaten last month..."

"And he doesn't whip her up like her mother used to do, " Arf offered.

"Like Master said, a dull man, " Chachazero shrugged it off.

"... And that's why I decided to shave myself bald!" Nanoha was happily pointing at her shiny head.

The beaten down Asuna looked at her new friend with some conmiseration. "Okay. Now I'll never mock Chisame's Daddy complex and her green dye again..."

**Oh you Internet, you**

The Joker paused, trying to assimilate everything he had just seen.

"It's... fascinating," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Like a million of cracked mirrors staring back at us..."

Chisame nodded, standing right behind him. "I told you so. Most of this people are utterly insane."

Joker hummed, rubbing his long pointy chin. "I might have made a **Miscalculation** on the **Decadent Habits** of this people. I don't know, I feel an **Equal and Opposite Attraction** towards their work. On one hand, I feel like I could develop a **Fang Vice Addiction** for it, but it's too **Unequally Rational and Emotional.** And you know I don't mind emotional, but I don't really do rational. But all in all, not a bad way to spend **A Day Indoors**. I'll admit it's funny reading about **The Many Jobs of Negi Springfield**, and this **Nerima** place sounds interesting, but... Dearie, could you pull some little **Artifact Abuse** and get us into those stories? I have a few things I'd like to try!"

Chisame gasped. "You mean Self-Insertion? Father! That's too much even for us!"

"I guess you're right. Anyway, I think I've seen enough fanfiction about you girls for a day. Now let's check the Batman section..."

_A few hours later:_

"... Why can't I find a single decent fic not starring the Ledger me?-!-?"

**Now that's Entertainment**

The Joker was flat on his stomach before the TV, arms crossed under his chin. "There used to be a time when the boss of the gang, not to mention the father of the family, had first dibs on seats..."

His daughters were too busy fighting over the remote control to listen.

"I want to watch _Decadent Habits_!" Yuuna tried to yank the remote away from Asuna's hands. "I need to know if Asuna's pregnant, if everyone will get abortions, and most of all, if Yuuna will get back with her Dad! Also, I want to see how miserable is everyone left at the end!"

"Ewwww!" Asuna shuddered. "No way! We're going to watch _Takamachi Nanoha Of 2814_! It has tons of great butt-kicking action, death-defying thrills, and Superman-sama! Ohhh, Superman-sama...!" she melted.

Makie used her ribbon to snap the remote off Asuna's hands. "I want to watch _Mahou Sensei Anya_! It's cute and funny, unlike those depressing things you like to watch!"

Konoka appeared right behind Makie and gently took the remote away. "Excuse me, Makie-chan, but I think it's my turn to pick the channel today, and I say we'll be watching _Disgaea Gehennas Holy Queen_ tonight! It never fails to move me to tears! Don't you agree, Setchan...?"

"B-But I'm **dead** there...!" Setsuna sobbed.

"Can't we watch _Unequally Rational and Emotional_ just this one night...?" Harley Quinn pleaded.

"THAT JUNK?-!" the girls chorused. "HELL NO, MOM!-!"

"How about _Nerima_?" Kazumi suggested. "It has tons of hot looking guys, at least..."

"... That doesn't do a lot for me, " Setsuna said, but was flat out ignored by everyone, even Konoka, yet again.

"I'm okay with that, " Haruna nodded, grabbing a sketchbook for her new Yaoi ideas.

Ayaka hummed. "Well, those Narutaki brothers are... very cute..."

"_Nerima_ it is, then!" Misa pumped a fist up.

"I just wanted to watch _Joker The Vile and the Villainous_..." Joker groaned. Chao had just jumped on his back and started a massage to relax him down. 'Accidentally', however, she hit a certain spot and sent him into a pressure point-induced sleep.

She smiled and turned to Hakase. "Satomi, remind me to make an extra TV for everyone tomorrow, ne? I keep forgetting it, with all the heists and fights against Batman and all that..."

**Cracked Mirrors**

Hakase rubbed her aching behind and whined. "Being spanked with a spiked bat hurt more than I remembered..."

"All your own fault, " Chisame growled. "Had I been Father, I'd have applied that bat on your head."

"Granted, that dimensional transporter was a blast at first," Yuuna conceded. "What was your favorite dimension?"

"I liked the one where Robin-kun was a girl!" Konoka chirped. "And she taught us classes!"

"I liked that one where Robin-kun was a vampire and Chachazero was his familiar!" Haruna grinned.

"I liked the one where we were at the Demon World, and we hung around this young Mao fellow. He was very likable," Satsuki fondly reminisced.

"I liked the one where Father had long hair made in dreadlocks, and walked around barefooted, " Zazie mused.

"..." Her sisters stared at her.

"What? Long haired men with bare feet are hot..." she whispered.

"I liked the one where we were superheroes and Green Lantern was a girl the best!" Makie giggled.

Ako made a face. "You crazy? Well, yes, but still... Who in her right or wrong mind would ever want to be a superhero? Dad will punish you if he hears you saying that!"

"The one where I had you all as my imperial Harem, " Yue took a brief break from sipping her Too Horrible To Mention Here Juice.

"Now that's a good one! How did I forget it?-!" Haruna slapped herself in the forehead.

"I liked the one where I finally had a big chest..." Natsumi sighed sadly.

"What? That was disgusting! My other me there had breasts larger than her head, and she always had that creepy vacant huge smile... Not even Dad liked that smile, for Groucho's sake!" Asuna grimaced.

"But... I had a big chest...!" Natsumi impotently whimpered.

"I prefer the one where we all had black hair, Chachamaru just had a bad green wig, and Robin was a girl posing as a boy, " Evangeline smiled. "Truly, it was hideous, but I've never had so much fun at a massacre."

"Now that's one no one will blame us for," Setsuna nodded sagely.

(OM No-Prize for those who can recognize all the universes.)

**(Not Really a) Death in the Family**

Robin woke up groggily, feeling the coppery taste of blood in his mouth.

He remembered it piece by piece, even as his head hammered down. On the trial of his father's whereabouts, he and Batman had travelled to Istanbul (not Constantinople). There, they had learned Joker was selling weapons to some group named the Cosmo Entelecheia Society. While Batman was tracking the leaders of the group down, assigning him to a watching post, Joker had gotten the drop on him. Lots of gas was involved.

Negi wanted to kick himself. So many wind based spells, and he still inhaled the gas. Moron.

And now he was, tied up to a chair, unmasked and feeling numb all over, with the Joker himself standing before him holding a crowbar. And sporting a huge sinister grin.

"Well, well, well. Now that's a sleepy-head birdie. Wanna take another nap, sport?"

He chuckled, lifting the crowbar up.

"Unca Jokey can help you take the longest one ever!"

Then the front door of the warehouse exploded into a million splinters.

Robin managed to lift his head up weakly.

The Joker's smug grin suddenly melted into an awkward grimace. "Oh. Girls..."

Sixty two angry eyes glared at him.

"Father..." Evangeline hissed.

"You know no matter what else you do..." Chisame began.

"Robin-kun is completely off limits..." Hakase completed, holding a suspiciously long and threatening device.

"Ara ara, Daddy's been a really bad boy..." Chizuru commented casually, the leeks twirling between her skilled fingers. "Looks like it's time for his medicine..."

He narrowed his eyes threateningly. "You wouldn't dare...!"

"So sorry, Otou-sama, " Setsuna fingered the Hina's handle. "But there is a limit for everything..."

Konoka smiled beautifully at Negi. "Please close your eyes, Robin-kun! I know you regretted it last time I asked you it and you obeyed, but this time there's a really good reason for it!"

Negi didn't feel like arguing, and acted accordingly.

By the time a beaten but victorious Batman reached the warehouse, panting and grumbling about how some 'Dynamis' couldn't keep his pants on, he expected for the worst. But instead, he saw a perfectly healthy Robin, covered by lipstick marks and sitting innocently under a hanging upside down from the ceiling, tied around his legs, pummeled and missing a few teeth, both eyes black, groggy Joker.

"Robin...?"

"Uh... hello," he meekly waved a hand. "It's a long story, but..."

"Were you hurt?" he asked fatherly, crouching at his side to check him out.

"Uhhh, yes, but Konoka-san came and healed me, so..."

"Those devils. Where are they now?"

Joker sobbed pitifully. "I'll kill them all... Then I'll make them beg for forgiveness... No, wait, it's the other way around... GIIIIIIIRLSSSSS! WHY MUST YOU BREAK YOUR POOR OLD MAN'S HEART?-! AND HIS RIBS?-!"

_Elsewhere: _

"Maybe we exaggerated it," Makie sulked as she badly lost another round of Mortal Kombat VIII to Evangeline.

Eva just shrugged. "He understands the only true love is tough love. He'll get over it."

"We're so spending the whole next year without allowances, though," Natsumi brooded.

Chizuru hummed happily while looking through Kazumi's photos of the event. "I think it was very worth it. This will make for some truly happy family memories later on..."

"Do you think they'll find the leeks someday?" Asuna asked her.

Chizuru shrugged. "Who knows? Modern surgery makes miracles..."

**Twisted**

Yuuna just liked to shoot. Shooting people or things didn't really make much of a difference for her, except because people were moving targets, and thus more challenging.

Setsuna had never, to Asuna's knowledge, actually killed anyone. She was precise in everything she did, and so it was easy for her to incapacitate without killing. Dad often said she didn't get the joke, but Asuna honestly thought Setsuna didn't care about getting it or not. She simply disliked hurting people more than strictly needed to pull a job.

Evangeline killed freely, as long as it wasn't women or children. She said it was a silly old habit from other times.

Konoka wasn't in much of a physical condition to kill anyone. She was no good with guns, blades or explosives, and she always had Setsuna to beat people up for her. Asuna had seen her killing someone only once, when Setsuna had pummeled a guy who had tried to take advantage of Konoka during a job. Konoka walked up to him, smiled her sweetest smile, and flashed a knife out. Then she sank it into his gut. It was a very precise cut, and that was why Asuna wasn't sure if she hadn't done that ever before. Probably better not asking in any case, ever. Kono-chan was very scary when she wanted to.

Makie was so airheaded, and probably so damaged from life in Gotham, Asuna doubted she had any actual idea when they were killing someone. Mama Harl had moments like those, too. For them, everything was like a freaking cartoon. Makie surely thought people got up, dusted themselves off and walked away after they left a crime scene. Maybe that made it easy for her. Those ribbons were deceivingly strong. And so was she. Unless the necks were very thick, it never took a lot of effort from her to snap them.

Asuna was fairly sure Chisame had never killed directly, either, other than that time when she hacked that military base and unleashed the poison gas containers so they could walk in and steal the nuke. She once had told her the idea of killing someone face to face sickened her. Not because of any morals, because she _hated_ people, but blood disgusted her.

Mana never flinched when shooting someone, but never shot anyone without a reason for it, either. For her, it all was a job, plain and simple. She went along with the gags and the jokes because of loyalty to Dad, but whenever he was in the loony bin, she tried to act like any other plain old mercenary. It never was personal with Mana. Never.

Chachamaru, despite all her firepower, was outright opposed to killing. Not like she'd ever flaunt it, but like in Setsuna's case, she was so powerful it was easy for her. She always had alternatives. It was a child's play for her. When confronted or asked about it, she'd only shrug and act as if she never realized she had just knocked everyone unconscious. Often even taking them away to safety. Or casually stepping between them and any intended kill when she could, acting as if she hadn't even noticed her body had just blocked the bullets. She would just apologize, very slowly, as the poor bastard escaped.

Chachamaru was, indeed, a good girl. No doubt the best one out of them all. That was why Asuna loved her. Hell, everyone loved her, no matter how bothersome she was at the jobs. Even Dad. Because a contrast was needed. To appreciate the corruption, there had to exist some spot left untouched next to the dirt.

Then again, she wasn't human. No wonder she wasn't twisted.

**Brainstorming**

"Burying half of the city under ice spells, then blackmailing the other half in exchange for allowing their pitiful lives continue?" Eva asked, smirking and flexing her fingers, icy energy flowing between her long fingernails.

"Too Mr. Freeze, " Joker shook his head.

"P-P-Putting Robin-kun under chemical based mind control, using to get to Batman-sama, and... and also getting him to get us to the movies?" Nodoka stammered hopefully.

"Too Poison Ivy," Joker shook a finger. "And don't call _him_ '-sama'!"

"Hickjacking the Batmobile, turning it into a bomb on wheels and causing it to make Batman look bad before the public, running bystanders down before it explodes trapping him in his burning metal coffin?" Hakase suggested.

"The Penguin tried it once!" Joker groaned. "It was a lousy idea then, and it's a lousy idea now!"

"... What if we throw a rock on him?" Makie asked.

Joker's voice sizzled. "I'm not dignifying that with a biting reply."

"It'd be a big rock!" Makie argued.

"NOT EVEN TRYING, MAKIE!"

"Joel Schumacher?" Chisame tapped with her pen on the table.

Joker grimaced. "Too low, even for us!"

"We walk up to Gordon's house, leave a flaming bag with sleeping kittens on the doorstep, then ring and run off, " Sakurako said. " Gordon comes out, stomps on it to put it off, and then the joke's on him when he realizes—"

Chachamaru feigned a cough.

"Oh, right. Sorry. Well, replace the kittens with puppies then," Sakurako allowed.

Yuuna hummed. "How are we keeping the puppies asleep while the bag is flaming?"

Joker snapped his fingers. "Anesthesics! That's it! Great idea, Sakurako! You're earning the big bonus for this weekend!"

"Thank you, Dad!" she smiled charmingly before turning a smug look at her sisters.

Makie slumped on her seat. "But...! A really big rock...!"

**Author's Notes:** Yes, Makie does read from Killer Croc's Guide to Supervillainy.


	4. Chapter 4

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics, Negima and all related characters and elements belong to Akamatsu Ken.

I make no money at all out of this story.

Enjoy and Review. Or else Papa J will pay you a visit. He doesn't like when his girls are ignored, you know!

**Extremely Radical Makeover**

"Oh dear, " Chizuru covered her mouth with a hand.

"We... We had heard about the bullet wound, of course, but... but..." Ayaka's voice trailed off.

He chuckled, running a finger down his shaved short hair, then over the bullet hole on his forehead, and the hideous scars fixing his red grin in place, now permanently. "This is my newest reinvention. The Clown at Midnight. The Dastardly Dandy of Death. The—"

"WAHHH!-!-!" the Jokerettes began to wail. Even Evangeline seemed to be holding back childish sobs, her face red. "WE WANT OUR OLD DAD BACK!-!"

"Oh, but look! I'm much better now! I even worked on the things no one usually sees..." He stuck his tongue, now split in half at its point, like a viper's forked tongue. "Don't you like it?"

"IT'S HORRIBLE!" Asuna screamed.

"WE DIDN'T BREAK YOU FROM ARKHAM TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS!" Konoka bawled.

"CHAO!" Eva commanded. "PREPARE YOUR SURGICAL TABLE! WE NEED TO CHANGE HIM BACK IMMEDIATELY!"

Joker blinked, the asked hopefully, "Can we skip the anesthesics this time?"

Also, twenty issues later or so, the Jokerettes killed Dr. Hurt. Who was the Devil. Or not. Honestly, not like it'd make any more sense if I re-read it again.

**American Idol**

Misa smiled at the Youth Probation officer. "— and no one was left dead or too hideously disfigured, see? After all, we couldn't have a good show with a dead audience, could we?"

The young man looked at her over his glasses. "Do you find that a justification for your taking over a whole TV show, gassing the public, and forcing the contestants and judges to beat each other up before the TV cameras?"

"We had to!" Misa sneered angrily. "Those jerks wouldn't allow me, Sakurako, Madoka and Ako in the show! Isn't this supposed to be a country of equal opportunities for everyone?"

She crossed her legs seductively and made a cute pout. "Don't you think we immigrants are discriminated far too often, Jerry-kun...?"

"Ah, well, that is..."

"But we can be just as warm, kind and loving as you born Americans are..."

"Ah, ah, sure..."

...

Misa made a V sign as she was led back into the cell. "We get out on parole next month!"

Sakurako gave her a thumbs up. "I told you that good luck charm I gave you would work!"

Misa patted herself on the crotch. "... Bull! This was the only charm I needed!"

"Hey, look, there's a talent contest in the East Side in 45 days, too...!" Madoka didn't lift her eyes from the _Gazette._

**Cosplay**

"Ah, you finally came back, " Asuna turned around in her chair as the lair's doors flew open from the outside. "How did the stunt with Dent go?"

Chisame grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "Excellently! They did it like true pros!"

Behind her, Ako smiled pleasantly, looking down at her nurse outfit. "You know... I think I might have found my true calling with this..."

Joker fixed the skirt of his own nurse outfit. "I must admit it feels better than expected..."

**Prank**

_April 1st:_

"Oh, man!" Misora slapped herself on the knee, laughing hysterically. "Oh man, even I didn't expect for it to go that well!"

Joker hummed, crossed his arms behind his back, staring at the burning city. "Not bad..."

**Stockholm Syndrome**

The Joker crossed his arms. "No!"

"Why not?-!" Misora protested.

"Because we're going to give her back!" her 'Dad' argued. "The ransom was already paid!"

"Since when do you worry about fulfilling your word?" Misora argued, hugging the dark skinned child close to her.

"Listen, I'm all for breaking promises, but we already backed away on the last two kidnappings!" he exposed. "If we keep doing this, people just won't start paying when we kidnap their loved ones!"

Misora pouted, not letting the kid go. The kid hugged her back. "That's your fault! We told you not to kill those two hostages! Now why must I be the one to pay for that?"

"Because I'm the leader of the gang, that's why! Give me at least two good reasons why we should keep that girl!"

Misora and Cocone immediately aimed guns at his head.

Joker didn't even flinch. "... You'll have to try something better."

"Ahem, " Evangeline coughed from where she sat indolently in a corner. "I think I could have a solution. We just need to replace this useless girl with one similar enough for her parents to fail at noticing the switch."

The Clown Prince groaned. "Surely those foreign fat cats couldn't be THAT stupid..."

One day later, Mr. and Mrs. Rosa stared down at the dark skinned girl sitting before them.

"Darling, I don't quite believe this is our Cocone..."

"Love, thet clearly have cut her hair short, and as for her altered behavior, well... four months living with those fiends would do that to anyone."

"That, and you aren't paying any more money, are you?"

"That's why I married you, my Dear. You're always so perceptive..."

The girl smiled at them. "I'm Cocone Maria Fatima Taro Rosa Seikutsu! Pleased to meet you, Mister Papa, Mistress Mama!"

Back at the funhouse, Misora cooed loudly, rocking Cocone back and forth in her embrace. "Ooooohhh, true love conquers all again...!"

Cocone didn't smile, but kept on hugging her all the same.

Chizuru was practically beaming. "Ara ara, I never had seen Misora-chan so happy before!"

Joker grumbled, looking through the newspaper. "Yay, joy is us. Hey, this looks good! Princess Theodora from Wherever is coming this weekend to Gotham! Looks like an easy job for giggles! This huge bodyguard she has behind her shouldn't be too much of a problem..."

**Unholy Matrimony**

Father Enoch Brown gasped as the knife's cold blade was pressed tightly against his throat by the green haired tiny puppet sitting on his shoulder.

"Begin now, Padre, " the doll spoke, with a low, threatening, but also giddy and cheerful, tone in her voice.

"V-Very well..." the old man nodded stiffly, trying to hold on to his bladder as he began to recitate the words from memory.

Robin-kun swallowed hard as he squirmed in the tuxedo he had been forced into. The Jokerettes were tightly gathered around him, the rest of the church taken over by henchmen of the Joker's gang and a happily sobbing Harley Quinn. The J-Man himself was notoriously absent.

The priest started, trying to keep his voice from cracking, "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of God and these witnesses, to join these thirty one young women and this young man in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these thirty two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their—"

"I OPPOSE!" a voice shouted from a window. Negi looked up with relief.

"Damn! Nightwing-kun!" Natsumi allowed herself an uncharacteristic slip of the tongue.

The boy clad in black and blue stamped a foot down. "NIGHTWOLF! NIGHTWOLF! For the last time, my name's NIGHTWOLF! Why do you insist on calling me 'Nightwing'?-! Do you see any wings on me? NO!"

"Isn't Nightwolf a Mortal Kombat character?" Yuuna grumbled.

"That aside, " Asuna said, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What the hell do you think?" Nightwolf spat. "I came to rescue Robin from your filthy hands! And I didn't come alone!"

"Batgirl!" Tsukuyomi jumped up to Kotaro's side, pulling her swords out and staring straight at Setsuna.

"The Huntress!" Takane dropped down to Kotaro's other side, smirking confidently.

"S-S-Spoiler!" Mei joined the heroic group pose, staying close to Huntress.

"... What kind of lame name is 'Spoiler'?" Misa wondered.

Evangeline sighed. "Let me handle this, since I want to be over quickly..."

Five minutes later, she was fixing her wedding gown, getting back to her position before the altar. Nightwolf, the Huntress, Spoiler and Batgirl were now all neatly tied next to Robin.

"... Thanks a million for the rescue, friends, " Negi couldn't help droning.

"Maybe this isn't as bad..." Batgirl pondered as Setsuna grabbed her by an arm, Konoka by the other.

"Again, " Chachazero urged, pressing the knife back against the father's throat.

"S-Sure thing!" the old man gulped. "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of God and these witnesses, to join these thirty one young women and these five young crime fighters in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these thirty six persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their—"

"I OPPOSE!" The Joker himself appeared at the church's gates, seething madly.

"P-P-Puddin'!" Harley gasped.

Then a huge black figure broke through the ceiling, dropping gas bombs all over the church, making Makie and the twins shriek. The Batman himself landed on the middle of the aisle, snarling with fury. "I oppose as well."

"Batman! We're saved now!" Robin smiled.

"I have... a bad feeling about this..." Huntress shared.

The thirty one Jokerettes stared at each other as if silently debating what to do, then shared a collective nod.

Half a hour later, as the speeding stolen school bus zoomed down the street, the Joker and Batman hung down chained from the ceiling, over the leftovers of the wedding cake. Father Brown panted in and out at a corner, wondering exactly how had he survived all that.

"... Well, I didn't expect them to react that way," Joker admitted. "I guess my little girls are growing up."

"Shut up," Batman growled.

"The Power of Love beats everything else!" Bat-Ermine piped in as he popped out from behind the altar.

"On the plus side, they left some cake for us," Joker added.

"I told you to shut up," Batman repeated.

Harley approached, smiling sheepishly and holding a camera up. "Mistah Jay, whatcha say 'bout one more picture, but now with the other Father-In-Law?"

**I once had a Girlfriend Named Peggy Sue**

"Ho-hum, " the Joker evaluated the situation all around himself. All of Gotham in ruins. His Jokerettes decorating the walls. Batman's head at his feet. "This won't do, " he complained. "Not like this! It lacked panache! It didn't have enough pizzazz! Batman's death deserved better!"

"Then, what will you do?" Sayo asked, hanging in mid-air behind him.

"I'll just do it all over again, but with a TWEEEEEEEST!" the Clown Prince proclaimed, stomping over to what used to be Chao and retrieving her Cassiopeia.

...

"Ho-ho-hum!" the Joker evaluated the situation all around himself. All of Gotham was burning. His Jokerettes were crispy. Batman and Robin were black as charcoal. "No, no, too Firefly!, " he protested. "It's still all wrong! I can't even see them smiling this way! It's even worse than before!"

"Another try, Daddy?" Sayo guessed.

He nodded firmly, pulling the watch back out. "Another try, yes!"

...

"Ho-ho-ho-hum!-!" the Joker evaluated the situation all around himself. All of Gotham was a nuclear wasteland now, and it felt very hot inside of his lead lined protection suit. Even Evangeline had been reduced to something barely recognizable. Batman and Robin had been melded together in a grotesque crumbling sculpture. "You know what? No. No way. It was funny at first, with the first few explosions and the glowing lights, but... no, death by radiation isn't the way to go, either. A shame, after all the work involved in getting all that uronium and plutonium. It lacks the personal, warm touch all good genocide must have! Don't you agree, Sayo?"

The cute ghost yawned. "Try again?"

He snorted. "What do you think?"

...

"... I knew it'd eventually get to this, " the Joker evaluated the situation all around himself. All of Gotham driven mad, the masses rioting, pillaging and raping each other. His thirty girls piling up on Robin suffocating him under their combined weight. "I don't mind the utter chaos part, but when everyone's insane, what point is there on being insane? It makes me... normal! Ew, I feel so dirty! Sayo! Take notes!"

A sigh. "Yes, Daddy?"

"Last time I follow one of Haruna's plans!"

"Something else, Daddy?"

"Yes! Last time I mix love potion and Joker venom and unleash it all over Gotham!" He took one look over his shoulder and cringed. "I don't need to see Bats and Bane like THAT ever again!"

As her father grabbed the Cassiopeia once again, Sayo asked, "Daddy?"

"Yes, dearie?"

"Next try, whatever you do, can you try and get me a body? I can't believe I'm still the only one who hasn't humped Robin-kun to literal death..."

**Gang War**

The old, dusty big warehouse suddenly came alive with the sounds of guns being pulled out and their soft clickings as they were aimed.

"Desist, " Chachamaru requested politely, dressed as an old Prohibition era gangster. "You should know well your guns will have no effect on me. Please allow me to claim this whole area for Scarface-san."

"Oh, yeah? This rocket launcher's got enough punch to blow your head right outta your shoulders, Chacha!" Asuna grunted, lifting the heavy weapon up and aiming it between the gynoid's eyes. "I don't want to hurt you, so walk out and let me claim this turf for Black Mask-san!"

Then Asuna felt two small handguns being pushed against the back of her head. She heard Fuuka and Fumika giggling. "Nah, you'd better surrender it all for our dear Two-Face-kun!"

Makie pouted and aimed her shotgun at the twins. "Oi, why must you make this so difficult? Just go away and let Riddler-sama to have this sector, okay?"

Mana huffed, pointing a gun at Makie and another one at the Narutakis. "Please, you all know you are outmatched against me when it comes down to this. Gotham City now belongs to the Penguin gang."

Satsuki sighed and held a hand grenade up. "I abhor violence, so I'll just do this; if you don't leave now, I'll pull this pin and fill this whole warehouse with fear gas. So much of it you'll have hear attacks. Please, just let Scarecrow-sama to win this."

Chachamaru looked at her. "... Go ahead."

"Oh, no, she won't, you smart girl!" Asuna barked, pushing the rocket launcher further.

"C'mon!" Misa whined, as she, Madoka and Sakurako held their own, aiming in all directions. "Just let us win, for Auntie Ivy's sake! Or Harley-Mama will be sad!"

"The future belongs to Mad Hatter-sama!" Chizuru bellowed at the top of her lungs, waving her guns rather dangerously. "Gotham will be his Wonderland, and we'll all be his Alices! Surrender to the unavoidable!"

Zazie sighed and slapped the mind controlling hat off Chizuru's head.

The busty girl blinked. "Ara ara... Who was I working for this time?"

Kazumi aimed a freeze ray gun at her face. "As of now? The Freeze gang."

Chizuru blinked, then smiled. "Sounds good!"

As the tense standoff continued, Nodoka, who was holding a corner of the warehouse along Yue and Haruna, all three of them in rather non descript clothes since they were working for Hugo Strange, looked at Natsumi, who just stood there with her arms crossed behind her back. "Natsumi-chan? Who are you supposed to be with?"

"Oh, I'm working for Clayface-sama," the actress answered.

"... And why aren't you carrying any guns?" Haruna frowned.

Natsumi shrugged. "I don't need them."

"And... why would that be?" Yue began to dread.

Natsumi smiled. "He injected me with his blood," she commented casually, then outstretched an arm which became a huge axe. "I'm, well, a Clayface. And you're all, if you forgive my rudeness, fucked."

"... Crap," Asuna droned.

But then the warehouse's doors flew open.

And _he_ walked in, closely followed by a dutiful Chisame, open laptop in hands. "See, Dad? I told you I could find them!"

They all paled, visibly even despite the makeup.

"Oh... Hi, Daddy..." Yuuna gulped, lowering her copies of Deadshot's wrist guns.

"Nice to see you... ahhh... could escape Arkham again..." Kazumi offered.

"This... This isn't nothing, really!" Asuna laughed shakily. "We, We only were making some small money to spring you out! Honestly!"

The Clown Prince snorted. "So, who does this city belong to?"

"You, Dad!" they all chorused.

Doing a low, humming sound, he looked over at Natsumi. "Nice change. I like it."

"Th-Thank you, Father."

"... Can we all go for ice cream now, to celebrate?" Fuuka looked hopeful.

**Survivor's Guilt**

No one but myself ever thought I'd survive them all. Everyone thought that yes, I'd kill a few myself because I'm that evil, but eventually I'd be killed by someone else, or they'd turn on me before too many of their lives were lost.

But I am Chaos, the primordial Joke of the absurdity of life itself, and as long as there is life, the Joke will persevere. Okay, the fact I eventually found a way to perpetuate my consciousness as a spreading cybernetic virus with backup copies and support bodies all across the galaxy may have helped, too.

Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do bad things happen to fundamentally good people? Because! Haven't you been paying any attention?

Of course, I miss them. They were amusing people, and that's the real reason why I never killed any of them. But really, everything I need is Batman. And there always will be a Batman around as well. As long as there's Chaos, there'll be an Order to oppose it. Our dance is truly eternal. Children aren't.

Still, sometimes, I vaguely feel like I should feel some sort of Survivor's Guilt.

And try as much as I can, I never can prepare my tea the way Chachamaru used to make it.

**Thou Shall Not Kill**

_STAR Labs_

"The subject has just escaped. Find her and contain her at all costs!"

Such was the message through all the complex, and Chachamaru's scanners could receive it clearly as she rushed for an exit, any exit. After the gang's capture, nothing had gone right for her. Denied the possibility of being with her sisters, declared a non-human entity and an object for all legal intents and purposes, she had been brought to STAR to be disassembled, analyzed, then put back together.

Time and time again.

She couldn't take it anymore.

She wouldn't be getting back there.

No matter what.

And then, she was surrounded from all angles.

Battalions of armored men trained assault weapons on her.

A woman in a white lab coat stood before them all, gesturing for her to calm down, to surrender. "Chachamaru. It's me, Dr. Carradine. You must desist in this foolish attempt. We do this for your own good."

"No," she said. They both knew that was a lie, that they never had her best interests in mind. So the doctor only frowned, and dropped the pretenses.

"Chachamaru, to fight through all of us, you'd have to kill us. And we know you don't kill. No matter what."

The gynoid lowered her head. "No. I don't."

She extended her hands ahead. "Take me back, then. Please. Before Protocol Zero starts..."

Dr. Carradine made an interested pause. They never had learned about that, even when looking through her data banks. "Protocol Zero. What is that?"

"Deeply encrypted, coded secretly..." Chachamaru seemed to tremble. "Please, deactivate me now. Ultimate safety measure... You could... Could be..."

Then she tensed as Hakase's voice spoke softly in her head.

_Omega Level Danger to the unit's long term safety detected. The Karakuri Chachamaru personality has just been declared insuficient to keep the body's integrity. Overriding the current personality, activating the Protocol Zero._

"Chachamaru?" Dr. Carradine asked.

Hakase's voice continued, only for her creation to hear. _Implanting temporal patch of Father's personality. Employing lethal force has just been allowed._

Chachamaru's last rational thought was one of deep sadness and regret.

Then she grinned from ear to ear.

"Chachamaru?" Dr. Carradine repeated.

That was the last word she ever said.

When Chachamaru recovered consciousnes, she found herself standing on top of a hill, fully alone, her clothes ragged and tattered, covered by blood from head to toes. Her surroundings seemed to indicate she had made her way all up to Alaska. Hakase never let anything to chance when it came to escapes.

Chachamaru buried her face between her hands. "I'm not a murderer, " she whispered to herself. "**I** have never killed anyone."

She flew down to the nearest lake in the woods, ripped what remained of her clothes off, and began bathing, trying to take all the blood off herself.

That took only a few moments, as fast as she scrubbed herself. And of course, she had no memory of the events themselves.

And yet, she knew she never would be clean. In body, mind or, if she actually had one at all, soul.

**The Straight and Narrow Path**

"Yue, " Nodoka finally said, lifting her head up from the plans.

"Yes, Nodoka?" Yue followed her gaze, looking into her half hidden eyes.

"I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Maybe... M-Maybe we should just follow Robin-kun and Batman-sama's advice. And, well, you know, quit this lifestyle. Leading honest, lawful lives from now on."

Yue raised an eyebrow. "Nodoka, are you feeling okay? You know Dad—"

"D-Dad has all the other girls, and Harley-mama, to help him!" Nodoka yiped. "B-But I'm not sure I want to keep doing that anymore! I'll always love Dad and the girls, but... I'm so tired, Yue. I want to lead a simpler, quieter, happier life. With Robin-kun. And you. And we know that'll never be possible as long as we... you know..."

"As long as we're criminals," Yue summed up.

Nodoka nodded sadly.

"Are you sure that's what you really want?" Yue asked again.

Another hesitant nod. "Would you... W-Would you follow me even then? I-I don't want to pressure you or anything, but... but..."

Yue smiled and rubbed her friend and adoptive sister's cheeks fondly. "Nodoka. You know I'll always follow you, no matter where or how. If that's your decision, I'll be 100% behind you. Even if Dad opposes it. I'll go wherever you go, and support you regardless of what you decide to do with your life."

Nodoka cried happily, her eyes tearing up. "Thank you so very much, Yue...!"

"However, " Yue lifted an index finger, "Remember, even with good behavior, we'll be serving time for ten years here. I don't mind waiting here with you, but in that time, Robin-kun will settle down with Batgirl instead. Or the Huntress or Spoiler. Or Starfire."

Nodoka's face paled horribly.

Both girls shared a sigh and returned to studying her escape plans.

"It was nice to dream about it, though..." Nodoka mused.

"Yeah. It was. Say, maybe if we place explosives at this point, we can open a tunnel leading right into the riverbank. From there, it's only a short swim to Gotham. I think we can fix some explosives at the laundry room..."


	5. Chapter 5

Batman and all related characters and elements belong to DC Comics, Negima and all related characters and elements belong to Akamatsu Ken.

I make no money at all out of this story.

Enjoy and Review. Or else Papa J will pay you a visit and force you, gunpoint, to read Negima Chapter 355 and watch the Final Movie at the same time. And no one can endure that!

**Lessons**

There were a million different facets to Joker's darkness, so he he distributed them fairly between his adopted offspring. He used to say each girl had her own style, and they all, to some degree or another, reflected a part of himself.

He taught Yuuna how to be a crazy, indiscriminate shooter, and she excelled on it.

He taught Chao how to be an evil schemer, something she turned out amazingly efficient on. It was almost as if she had done it before...

He taught Misora how to be a slimy, back stabbing, conniving coward.

He taught Yue how to be Wicked Cultured.

He taught Kazumi on blackmail and sabotage.

He taught Hakase on experimentation with live human subjects.

He taught Chisame on hacking, virus spreading, and worst of it all, Internet trolling.

And they all made him proud.

All but Chachamaru, who always was too nice, too kind, too noble to do anything but failing all her lessons. The most she got to do was not filling _completely_ the dish of milk for the kittens. And she made up for it giving them twice as much the next day.

However, none of the others ever could bring themselves to hurt her despite that. So maybe, in a sense, her failure was contagious.

**The Long Sleep**

By the time Asuna finally woke up, as predicted, her old personality was gone, but that didn't mean her memories had vanished as well. So she recognized the grinning man sitting before her tomb as soon as she saw him.

"How long has it been?" she asked, mechanically.

"The full predicted span, plus thirty extra years," he said. He wasn't wearing one of his purple suits now, but a tighter, all black ensemble, very sleek, with his hair shorter, almost a buzzcut. "I bet you really gotta go pee now, don'tcha?"

"Not really, " she stood up with some difficulty, feeling her limbs really stiff. He didn't help her, instead choosing to suck on a lollipop. "How comes you're still alive?"

"I died decades ago, actually, but Hakase, God bless her soul, placed my awareness in a bio-technological chip that can be implanted into any other body," Joker smiled sheepishly, tapping on his skull.

"Where's everyone else?"

"Dead as disco, Asuna."

"Even Evangeline?"

"Well, a lot of things happened..."

"Huh. And yet, _you_ found a way to endure."

"You know what they say, Asuna. Only the good die young. Well then, ready to go?"

She nodded and followed him out of the chamber, looking all around at the devastated, gray world. "I see my sacrifice wasn't worth much after all."

"I called it from the start," Joker shrugged. "No good deed goes unpunished, that's my motto!"

She only walked behind, head low. She absently caught the circus makeup kit he tossed her way.

"It'll be like in the old days, Asuna," he promised. "Well, other than the obvious differences. But as long as we have each other, it doesn't matter, right?"

"I suppose it doesn't," she said apathetically, beginning to paint her lips red.

"By the way, I'm curious. What did you dream about all that time?"

"Nothing that matters anymore."

He looked back and poked at her right cheek. "Don't look now, but you're ruining your makeup. Do you have any idea how hard is to find that stuff nowadays, young lady...?"

She rubbed the furtive tear off. "Sorry, Dad."

Her old personality was gone. But all the memories still remained there.

**Now that's a Crime**

"Author-san," Asuna crooned sweetly, holding the chainsaw closer to his face. "We're here to talk about Chapter 355. And about the possibilities of either you making up to us writing a quick fix, or, well..."

Sitting at the back of the room reading a newspaper, the Joker yawned. "Try not to take too long, girls. We still gotta visit Kishimoto, Anno and Kubo before the night's over..."

**Negimaru**

"And then, after you dress up as Asuna, you go out and..." the Joker left the sentence unfinished on purpose.

Chisame lowered her head and said absolutely nothing.

"It's slander! Inflamation and sulking of my good bad girl name!" the real Asuna seethed, her hands moving as if trying to strangle the air. "My own sister!"

"The right words are Defamation and Sullying, Asuna, " Yue observed.

"Same difference!" Asuna roared.

The Joker held a hand up humorlessly. "It's. Not. Funny."

Everyone else went into a respectful silence. Evangeline only snorted and examined her fingernails.

"Tell me, where is that place where you usually act, Chiu-chi?" he asked, voice as soft as a bloodied knife under a silk tissue.

That night, at the old and dingy rendezvous place, the guys backed away as they saw the curtain being pulled away. To reveal a sultrily smiling white skinned nightmare, sitting cross legged in a gorgeously pink Dokuro-chan costume. Huge spike mace in hand.

"Hello, boys... Asuna won't be able to come today... She's grounded for a week, long story... But don't worry! **I**'ll be your sexy entertainment tonight!"

They screamed as he jumped on them, licking his big red mouth all over, swinging the mace around.

"Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!"

**It's Only a Game**

They sat teary eyed and sobbing before the TV and the console as the end credits ran.

Finally, Harley approached them warily. "Girls...?"

They all bawled in unison, but Eva, who only kept a stoic Kuudere wannabe face and bit her lower lip, gulping down regularly.

That was the last time they played Batman: Arkham City.

**Tales of Yue's Harem**

Yue woke up covered in sweat and other bodily fluids, with Dad on a side and Mom on the other. The fact they weren't her biological parents was more than enough countered by the kind of people they were, but still. She exhaled and started to get up, heading for the bathroom.

A chalk white hand grabbed her by the waist. "Don't. Let's make a few more giggles."

"I really need to go, " she deadpanned, squirming free and stepping out of the bed. After some much needed toilet time, she entered the shower and began washing herself, breathing in relief as the cold water relaxed her...

Then, again, chalk white arms wrapped around her slim waist. A Hamill-esque voice cooed in her ear. "When I say I want something, I want it."

She closed her eyes and relented.

...

Harley-Mama offered to feed the pets today, but Yue said she actually prefered doing it herself.

"Good morning, Bud," she put a plate with food for a hyena. It shook its tail happily and began eating.

"Good morning, Lou," she put a plate with food for another hyena. It shook its tail happily and began eating.

"Good morning, Shenzi," she put a plate with food for a third hyena. It shook its tail happily and began eating.

"Good morning, Banzai," she put a plate with food for a fourth hyena. It shook its tail happily and began eating.

"Good morning, Ed," she put a plate with food for a fifth hyena. It shook its tail happily, laughed crazily, and began eating.

"Good morning, Von Katz-chan," she put a plate with food for a cat girl wearing nothing but a collar. She shook her tail happily and began eating.

"Good morning, Du Chat-chan," she put a plate with food for another cat girl wearing nothing but a collar. She shook her tail happily and began eating.

"Good morning, Collete-chan," she put a plate with food for a beast girl wearing nothing but a collar and her glasses. She shook her tail happily and began eating.

"Good morning, Emily-san," she put a plate with food for another beast girl wearing nothing but a collar.

"Hmph! It's... It's not like I like this stupid food or anything! I'll only eat it out of mere politeness!"

"I cooked it," Yue said.

Emily shook her tail and ate happily.

"Good morning, Beatrix-chan, " she put a plate with food for a girl wearing nothing but a collar. "You know, you are fully human. You don't have to go with this..."

"I don't mind," she said quietly, then began to eat with soft but noticeable contentment.

...

During the breakfast, Ayaka and Asuna were arguing all the time as usual, but now it was over the right to sit at Yue's left. Again. The right was Nodoka's property, and no one had dared to question it since Nodoka pummeled Dad down with an encyclopedia over rights for it.

While they fought, Makie took the seat at Yue's left, making constant accidental bumps of her hips against hers. All the while Yuuna and Kazumi winked at her, and Haruna insisted on spoon feeding her.

They hadn't been the same lately, none of them...

...

Yue extended a bag for the jewelry store clerk. "Please?"

The man froze in place, then took his hand back from the alarm button he was about to press. "Oh my God. You... You are so pretty..."

Yue blushed. "No, actually, I'm the ugly runt of the family..."

"Take anything you want! I only ask for a picture of yours!"

Haruna chuckled. "Oh, but you can get so much more for that!" She put a hand on Yue's head. "As long as you agree to give us a monthly fee..."

One hour later, Yue once again fixed her panties into place as they left the store. "I can't believe you talked me into that."

Haruna chuckled, her arms full with merchandise, a ring on each finger. "You looked sooooo sexy, Yuecchi!"

Mana looked down at her shotgun sadly. "I didn't get to shoot anyone..."

...

"Holy Smoke!" Harvey Bullock gasped, while seeing Yue, Nodoka and Natsumi leaving the mall loaded with bags. "The Joker Gang!" He aimed a gun at them. "Make like statues, lil' freaks!"

"Oh! Good morning, Bullock-sama!" Nodoka bowed. "Y-You look good today!"

"You aren't in service hours, are you?" Yue asked.

"What? No, but what does that have to do with anything? Drop that stolen junk and reach for the sky! Now!"

"We didn't steal any of this, " Natsumi said. "These were all gifts for Yue."

"What the hell?"

Yue sighed, then put on her best lingering smile, walking to her and poking his large stomach with a finger. "We have no reason to fight here. We're only enjoying a quiet day out, and so are you. So why don't we enjoy it to our fullest...?"

Half an hour later, Natsumi whistled as they left the nearest public restroom, hoarse male pants still coming from the inside. "I didn't know that was humanly possible, Yue!"

Ayase shrugged, fixing her panties again. "You learn a lot of things with Eva."

...

"Now listen, please," Yue addressed the assembled gangs later that evening. "I'll be honest with you from the start. Father wanted to gas you all when you were assembled here, to take over your territories. It took me a lot of... _convincing_... for him to allow me attempt a civilized resolution to this conflict, so I truly hope you will appreciate it and cooperate."

Everyone from Firefly to Bane to Riddler only stared at her, as if in disbelief.

Then she noticed her top two buttons were still undone. But she didn't bother with them. She had them where she wanted.

Yue sniffed the air softly. "Why, Croc-sama, you smell nice today. Did you happen to shower?"

Croc glowered. "YOU NOTICED!"

"Oh, and Crane-sensei, did you like those books I lent you?"

Scarecrow nodded. "Certainly very... enticing, indeed..."

This was going to be easy.

As she left the warehouse with Auntie Ivy's newest phone number, a few millions in cash in her pockets, a gift freeze gun, a few mind controlling hats in a bag, and a signed agreement in her breast pocket, Yue told herself, "I'm not whoring myself out, I'm only exerting my superiority through my femininity..."

More or less satisfied with her self reassurance, she marched back home.

...

"Father, Mother, Sisters, " she announced while walking into the funhouse, "I got a 50% of all profits made in—"

Then confetti rained all over her, as her whole family sprang out of the corners. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YUE!"

"... Ah. You remembered." A beat. "I hadn't, actually."

A longer beat. "I think I can guess what are my gifts supposed to be..."

...

She woke up sweaty, covered by all sorts of bodily fluids and scratch marks, with Father on a side, Evangeline on a side, and Nodoka on top of her. No Robin-kun on sight anywhere, though. A true pity.

"We'll get him for you this Christmas," Nodoka yawned, licking her lips. You can't hide anything from a mind reader.

"I don't think I'll be able to walk for the rest of the day, " Yue said.

"We'll bring your meals here," Nodoka placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"... That's great, but could you carry me to the toilet, Nodoka?"

...

_Two weeks later_

Alfred Pennyworth raised an eyebrow. "The Joker has relinquished control of his gang over to Miss Ayase, Master Bruce? Are you fully sure?"

Bruce Wayne rubbed his aching forehead with a hand. "Somehow, she seems to control _half of the city_ now..."

**People Skills**

"Why me?" Ako asked. "Why should I do it?"

"I did it last time," Yuuna said.

"You're the one of us with the best people skills," Akira remarked. "People just _trusts_ you when they see you. Because you don't wave guns around like Yuuna—"

"HEY!" Yuuna protested.

"— or jump around crazily like Makie—" Akira continued.

"My sugar intake is just a little bit too high!" Makie chirped.

"— and I must admit, I'm just bad at talking to strangers, " Akira lowered her head humbly.

"They aren't strangers! We come here every Saturday night to collect, we already know them all by name and everything!" Yuuna pointed out.

Akira pouted. "But I think they dislike me."

"Fine, I'll go," Ako sighed and got off the van.

She walked straight into the circle of smoking hookers waiting for her. "Good evening everyone, I've come to collect Father's protection fee..."

"See? It wasn't so bad, was it?" Yuuna asked once they were done. Akira was driving, since she was the only one looking mature enough to pull a convincing fake driving license.

"Yeah, but it apparently was a weak week, " Ako looked at the sum again. "Or they have skimmed me. Either way, Dad will be angry."

"You should have slapped them," Yuuna yawned. "The only language they get is that of the pimp slapping hand."

"I'm not really the slapping type," Ako cringed.

"Which one of us is, though?" Makie wondered. "Not even Eva-chan, who is much harsher than that..."

The next week, Haruna showed up at the old alley wearing a pimp suit and cracking her knuckles. Gains went up 42% that Saturday.

**Upgrade**

"Be careful, Robin, " the Batman warned Negi as they surrounded the warehouse. "During his latest stay at Arkham, Killer Croc somehow recovered most of the intelligence he lost during his years of reptilian involution. At the same time, though, his madness increased greatly. He even changed his name to—"

—-

"— KILLER CRACK!" the towering crocodile man addressed his gang. "Yeah, that's it, boys! From now on, we're going to deal the heaviest, most addicting drug in the market! Soon, the streets of Gotham will be flooded with OT 3! Mega Crossovers! Yaoi and Yuri up the freakin' wazoo! This stuff floored even the Joker! By the time we're done, the police will be on their knees begging us to stop! They'll give us anything we want!"

"Boss, we got the latest shipping of Ponies from the Ala Iridia cartel!" another henchman peeked into the meeting room.

"Great! And after this... We'll expand to Fanart! I've made our first contacts at Deviantart!"

"What will we do about 4-Chan's offer?"

"Turn 'em down. We ain't falling so low, man..."

**The Final Solution**

After Cosmo Entelecheia's defeat, however, one question still stood- How to save Mundus Magicus in the long run? To solve that perplexing riddle, Ala Chiroptera and the Jokerettes decided to keep joining forces for an intense session of... brainstorming. Since Batman denied the 'sex' part.

"What am I doing here anyway?" Joker lamented. "Hello! Villain here! Mass murderer, even!"

"Hush, Daddy, " Konoka put a finger on her lips. "It's time to listen to Ra's-sama's idea now."

"My point is, " the Demon's Head was stating gravely, "The denizens of Mundus Magicus clearly value and respect their world and its environment more than the inhabitants of Earth. So I suggest implementing my latest plan to annihilate 90% of Earth's mankind, thus allowing everyone in Mundus Magicus to move here, ushering on a new age of prosperity and peace under my command."

"Other than those last three words, I see no problem with that, " Homura nodded.

"Next!" Batman growled.

"With my latest bio-transforming project, we will transform all the population of Mundus Magicus into superior lifeforms- Plants, " Poison Ivy proposed. "Then, we will transplant them all into Earth's deforested areas, helping us all to achieve an optimal ecologic balance. Everyone will win!"

"Ehhh!" Tamaki said. "That's not the way we want to see Fate-sama's wood!"

"I'll fly really, really fast several times around Mars, until I take it back in time to a year where the collapse wasn't imminent yet," Superman said.

"What will you do when the years pass again and Mundus Magicus begins collapsing once more?" Hakase asked.

"I'll fly really, really fast around Mars again, " the Man of Steel promised.

"Clark, in five seconds, I'll be pulling the Kryptonite ring out, " Batman warned.

"I'm going now. Up, up and away!"

"I... will... tap into... the powers... of The Green... to... achieve a perfect... communion and balance between..." the Swamp Thing started.

Asuna, impatient, clapped. "NEXT!"

"I'll assimilate the whole world and all its fascinating knowledge into my Warworld, " Brainiac smirked.

"NEXT!" Batman howled.

"I shall turn Mundus Magicus into the second Apokolips!" Darkseid tightened a massive fist. "Under my reign, it shall be preserved- as an endless monument to my darkness! Its fire pits shall never die, forever spreading the threat and message of the Anti Life!"

Chachazero's eyes sparkled. "I'm in love!"

Eva groaned, and pushed Darkseid down some stairs.

Negi looked crestfallen. "Are you sure you don't want to hear my plan about the elevator?"

"NO!" everyone told him.

Then Killer Croc stepped in, rasped roughly, and announced, with a huge grin full of fangs, "We'll throw a rock at it!"

Silence everywhere.

Finally, Chao said, "... You'll throw a rock at Mundus Magicus?"

Croc nodded. "A really big rock!"

"How does that help at all?" Fate asked.

"REALLY big!" Croc repeated himself.

Everyone else in the room traded glances.

Now, seven hundred years after the fact, we still honor Killer Croc as our greatest hero and Mundus Magicus' savior.

The rock continues being in exposition in the Waylon Jones Imperial Museum of Ostia.

**How Could You?**

"... It isn't what it looks like," the Joker said hastily.

"DAD!" Yuuna cried. "You're doing _it_! With a bunch of other girls! Behind our backs!"

"I thought you were in jail!" her father growled. "I have my needs, too!"

"You couldn't wait for us to break out? Or break us out yourself? Instead, you had to hook up with these... these skanks?-!" Haruna asked.

"Hey, watch your language, has been!" the clown makeup-wearing Fujiyoshi Harumi protested.

"We're only robbing a bank!" Harlequin-clad Hitou Nami said blandly. "It's not like we're sleeping with him..."

Pierrot-costumed Kimura Kaere rasped uneasily. "Yes, well, about that..."

Yuuna's eyes lit up in murderous red. Then she jumped up reaching for Kaere's throat.

The hostage bak manager pleaded weakly, "Can we go now...?"

"No, " Kitsu Chiri kept her gun trained on his head.

"Hey, that's MY favorite handgun you have there!" Mana noticed

**Two Far**

"Okay, Dent, " he hissed, crossing his arms behind his back. "When my twins wanted to date you, I blew my top, I'll admit it, because it's what any good or bad father would do, already homicidal or not, when told his darlings are going to date a half-hideous two-bit psycho with a Drama Queen complex."

"Harvey isn't half-hideous!" Fuuka whined.

Joker pointed at the still healthy half of Dent's face and cringed in disgust. "Of course he is! Just look at _that_! Ewwwww! Anyway, Harv, I still played along. I tried to be nice, and nice is something I just don't do..."

"Father, I brought another kitty. Actually, he followed me home. Can I...?" Chachamaru shyly appeared at the door.

He waved a purple gloved hand at her. "As long as it stays at your room. Go away, don't interrupt me..."

"Thank you, Father..."

Dent chuckled. "You know, they've made you—"

"Say it and I pop your eyes out and feed them to rabid weasels stuck up your buttcrack!" Joker threatened. "Look, bottom line is, I consented their going out with you! I even endured that 'father in law' crack you once did!"

He shrugged. "The coin landed tails, and the bad side wanted to joke for once. We were drunk..."

"What I don't tolerate, however, was turning my kids into your copycats!" he pointed at Fuuka and Fumika.

"They took that decision on their own," Two-Face coldly said.

"Actually, we flipped coins," Fumika said.

Joker rubbed the bridge of his long, pointy nose. "It's a complete lack of style! Most parents only have to tolerate piercing or tattoos! You two had to go and douse your faces with freaking acid?-!"

Fuuka sighed and ran a hand over her scarred left side. "It's the permanent marking of love...!"

Fumika sighed and ran a hand over her scarred right side. "It's more telling than a plain old and boring marriage ring...!"

Asuna passed by. "Oh, hey. You changed your looks or something? No, don't tell me, let me see... You switched hairstyles today, didn't you?"

Dent looked at her face with mild fascination. "Mismatched eyes, blue and green..."

Joker pushed a gun against Dent's throat. "Out of **my** face now, Harv."

**Six Pony Princesses in Amber**

"I don't know," Joker stared blankly at the six new Jokerettes. "I'm not convinced!"

"But Puddin'!" Harley whined. "At least give them a chance 'til we can spring our babies outta juvie!"

"Harl, I can't possibly go around the Gotham underworld followed by six colorful miniature horses! The idea is making people laugh, not making people laugh at me!" he growled.

The purple one with the horn lifted a hoof. "I know a lot of useful magic!"

"You're no Evangeline!" he replied.

"Didn't you like the new clothes I made for you?" the other unicorn asked.

Joker looked down at his new outfit, sneered, and reluctantly allowed, "I've worn worse, like that time someone convinced me to walk around barefoot, with my hair long and spats, but..."

The cream-yellow furred Pegasus gave him _that_ sad, soulful pleading stare again.

Joker averted his gaze and grunted. "Oh, like that's going to work on me..."

"C'mon, just give me a chance! I'll first beat that Bat-plane or whatever its name is in a race, and then, BAMMO! I'll kick it right down the sky! Yeah, that's the ticket!" the rainbow-maned one cheered herself. "I'm awesome like that when I put my mind into it, Boss!"

"DON'T CALL ME 'BOSS'!" Joker shouted.

Cream-yellow furred Pegasus' stare grew a bit sharper. Joker felt somewhat uncomfortable, but continued his evaluation after a few rasps. He looked at the pony with the cowboy hat on. "Why haven't you talked yet? I had you pegged as a more loquacious type."

She opened her mouth to answer, but before she could, the pink furred one intervened cheerfully. "Oh, that's just because OM doesn't have her accent down yet at all!"

Joker lifted a green eyebrow. "Izzat so?"

"Yeah! By the way, didn't you like how I decorated the hideout?" Pink Fur gestured all around, with a huge bubbly smile. "I think it's my best decoration of evil party lairs yet!"

"Oh, you did it?" Joker blinked. "I must admit it isn't bad at all. The balloons are a nice touch. Did you paint Batman with a Ridiculous Moustache on all of them yourself, or you had them custom-made?"

"All of them self-made!" Pink Fur proudly pointed at her chest. "It took me all night long, most of it spent on figuring the goofiest possibly kind of moustache!" She offered him a tray just as soon. "I also made cupcakes for you!"

Joker blinked, then grabbed one cupcake. He took a bite, and hummed, recognizing the taste. He grinned, and joyfully told Harley, "This one can stay!"

Cream-Yellow Fur's stare grew even fiercer.

_**Jiiiiiiiiiiii...**_

Joker gulped. "And this one too!"

Elsewhere, Nodoka swung her legs on her prison bunk bed. "Yue-Yue?"

"Yes?" Yue asked from the book she was reading.

"Father will come for us soon, won't he?"

"Let's just say we'd better start listening to Haruna for a change and start helping her with that escape plan, Nodoka..."

**The Perfect Deathtrap**

"It needs a large tank with fish down there," Akira opined.

"And automatic weapons mounted on the walls!" Yuuna said.

"Well oiled, shirtless and muscled older men branding axes all across the catwalks!" Asuna piped in.

"Make sure we have a good getaway ready in case it fails!" Misora asked.

"Don't be silly, it won't fail!" Haruna laughed, while she skillfully drew the trap's schematics, adding everyone's suggestions no matter how outlandish they happened to be. "This trap's got everything! No way even Batman will escape it!"

"How do we lure them in, though?" Ako asked.

"We could make Natsumi pose as a hostage and use her as bait again, " Chizuru proposed. "It never ceases to work!"

"One of these days we gotta get ourselves an actual hostage..." Natsumi mumbled. "Preferably one who doesn't end up falling in love with Misora."

Sitting on Misora's lap, Cocone stuck the tip of her tongue out to the actress.

"You know kidnapping people is a bad thing to do," Chachamaru said before looking down at the schematics. "Just to make sure everything is okay, I'll wait at the end of the trap with the cannons mounted. I believe that should be enough."

"Th-There _will_ be enough left of Robin-kun at the end of this, won't it?" Nodoka worried.

"Sure thing!" Haruna chuckled. "We discarded Chachazero's suggestions, didn't we? Okay, it's done! Now all we have to do is starting to build the actual darn thing! Call on some henchmen and tell them we have work for them!"

Batman broke the tank down killing all the killer fish. Akira was suitably horrified. He dodged the gunfire from every wall until they ran out of bullets, and Yuna cursed. He punched all the well oiled, muscled and shirtless older men out, and Asuna cried as their perfect features were rearranged. Misora's getaway failed and she was caught in a net. He used a sonic disruptor to interrupt Chachamaru's electric activity and turned her off for hours.

The worst part, though, was Robin didn't ever show up.

**Proof of Loyalty**

Johnny Marconi was sweating rivers, on his knees and with his hands tied behind his back, a piece of tape covering his mouth.

He had been there, waiting behind the Joker's funhouse, under the icy autumn rain, for hours now, hearing the sounds of heavy discussion, mostly onesided, coming from the inside, until he saw the tall girl with long and light green hair walking out to meet him. She had a gun in a hand.

"I'm very sorry, Marconi-san," she bowed to him, with all the politeness in the world. "But Father wants to test my loyalty to the family. He says I'm too soft for this business, so he ordered me to shoot you in the head to prove myself. Please forgive my rudeness."

He whimpered under the tape and shook his head violently. He'd pay anything, he'd stop skimming on Joker's take, he'd do whatever they wanted, but he couldn't die like that! No!

Chachamaru put the gun against his forehead and pulled the trigger.

It shot confetti all over him.

"You took the wrong pistol. Again," her father icily told him when she walked back in.

"Sorry, Father. I promise I'll be more careful next time. But you only asked me to shoot him in the head, and I did just that. You never specified it had to be a lethal shot..."

"Never mind, I'll do it myself!"

"Actually, since you never specified what I had to do with him after I shot him, I took the liberty of untying him and sending him away..."

"AHHHH!" Asuna's voice came from the kitchen. "WHO TOOK MY MUFFINS?-!"

Joker shot Chachamaru _that_ kind of stare. "You gave him Asuna's muffins, too?"

"He seemed hungry. I'll cook more..."

A hiss of frustration. "Yes. You do that. Some exercise will do me good, so I'll just take the car, drive searching for him, and find him and shoot him myself before he leaves the state..."

"..."

"You didn't give him the car's keys too, didn't you?-!"

"He promised he'd have it sent back with someone tomorrow."

"Next time, I'll make you shoot him with a bazooka!"

So next time, she accidentally took the confetti-shooting bazooka, as well.

**Together**

"I've patched your wounds now. You'll be okay until help arrives, " Negi promised, squeezing her small hand tightly, and smiling down at her.

"Thanks, Robin-kun, " Yue made the tiniest of smiles, looking truly grateful. She tried to look over his shoulder, at the Black Mask False Facers hanging, unconscious and tied up, hanging down from the warehouse's ceiling. "Are you sure they won't get free?"

"I gave them a dose of a tranquilizer Batman uses when he needs someone down for a long while, " Robin said. "They'll be out for a few hours. When they wake up, they'll be in Blackgate."

Yue nodded as best as she could and gripped his hand tighter. Even through his glove, it felt so warm. "Why do you do this?"

He half-laughed. "Well, sorry, but I'd have to tell you my origin story for you to truly understand, and Batman doesn't like when I do that..."

"I don't mean your 'mission', " the wounded girl said softly. "Why going to such lenghts to keep me alive? I'm a daughter of your worst enemy. I've hurted many people. I've kidnapped you, forced you into a kangaroo wedding, and tricked you into making a Pactio with Nodoka. Why don't you hate me? Why don't you let me die? Why do you... still smile at me?"

"Why were you here?" he asked back.

"Eh? Well... This was one of our old hideouts before the False Facers took it. Father forbid us from coming back... God, he'll be so angry... But I left something very important behind, so... I snuck back in for it. But they found me, and then you arrived..."

"What was it?"

Weakly, she held a portrait of a very young Nodoka with herself.

"That is why I do this as well, " Negi said. "Love."

Her cheeks grew colored. "L-Love?"

He nodded, holding her a bit closer. His voice was grimly serious for someone so young. "People always thinks Batman and me do this because of revenge. But in truth, we do it to protect, not to punish. Everyone deserves being protected, even you, even your father. Both from others, and from yourselves."

She spoke after a long silence. "That's a very cute thing to say."

"Just don't ever tell Batman I told you. It'd ruin our dark reputation as grim nocturnal crusaders."

"I promise I'll never tell anyone, " she spoke sincerely.

Again, he smiled.

"Robin-kun."

"Yes?"

"Would you... kiss me, please?"

"W-What?"

"It's not a trick this time. I know I'll never have you, but only this once, I'd like to know what's to be kissed by a pure, kind person. I beg you..."

"B-Bu-But I..."

"Oooooooohhhhh, I feel... so cold... suddenly! I don't know if I'll make it after all... If only I could die... with a loving kiss in my mouth..."

"Miss Yue, please don't die!" he panicked.

"Please, Robin-kun..."

He sobbed, paused, and then nodded rigidly. He lowered his face and tenderly kissed her mouth.

Yue closed her eyes, trying to memorize the moment forever. And just as soon began to kiss back, as powerfully as she could, way too much for someone supposedly on the brink of death.

Robin-kun was still, after all, a gullible kid.

She didn't let him go until she noticed he was having problems breathing.

"Y-You weren't dying!" he realized, blushing and panting.

Yue smiled. "I felt like going Heaven, though."

Then a dark angel's shadow fell over them. "Robin, " the Batman said.

"Ah! S-Sir!" he gasped aloud, blushing anew.

Batman looked at the beaten gangsters. "Good job. Are you okay?"

"P-Perfectly okay, Sir. But... Miss Yue here..."

The Dark Knight crouched down next to her, analyzing her wounds critically. "You'll be fine. Robin, I'm glad to see you've learned first aids well, too."

"Th-Thank you, Sir!"

Yue half-smiled. "A bit overboard with compliments tonight, no, Batman-sama?"

Ambulances and patrol cars were heard coming in loudly.

Batman said nothing.

"By the way, I'd like to ask for two final favors, " she humbly said.

"Which ones?" Batman asked.

"I'd like to keep this, " she hugged the portrait against herself.

"I'll talk to Gordon. Next?"

"I'd like... for Robin-kun to keep holding me until they get here, " she looked down.

"Well, _I_ won't do it, " the Bat stoically said.

Again, Yue smiled and relaxed her head back against Negi's body. "Thanks."

_Maybe I'm, after all, in the wrong family._


End file.
